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CWA Wired 5-13-10

Started by Turd Ferguson, May 12, 2010, 09:53:27 PM

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Turd Ferguson

Joey Styles: Here we are with another edition of CWA Wired!
Christopher Nowinski: Don't you ever get tired of being so annoying?
Joey Styles: ...

Triple Threat
Kris Yuthakon vs James Altraz vs Drew McIntyre

James Altraz refuses to enter the ring and sends Delirious in to take his spot in the match. Kris Yuthakon takes over using his size to dominate the smaller opponents early on in the match. He nails Delirious with a particularly stiff kick which sends him out of the ring and to the floor below. The Hybrid then begins smashing Drew McIntyre into oblivion with a powerful series of strikes. Eventually he locks him in the Payback! McIntyre is just about to tap out when suddenly SHADOWS OVER HELL! Delirious nailed Yuthakon in the back! Delirious rolls McIntyre over and pins 1..2..3!

Winner: Delirious

Christopher Nowinski: That genius move by Altraz pays off.
Joey Styles: The Hybrid caught a tough break. He probably should have won there. Next up is Joey Cilo vs one half of the tag team champions Sean Storm.

Joey Cilo vs Sean Storm

Joey Cilo attempts to use his weight advantage to keep Sean Storm in close, but Storm is too quick and evades all of Cilo's attempts to lock up. Cilo rushes in and is hit with a perfect arm drag by Sean. Joey is frustrated and charges back in to get hit with a high drop kick! Cilo rolls under the bottom sore to regain his composure, but Sean Storm hits him with a flying body press! The referee begins his count 1..2..3..4..5 Sean Storm gets up..6..7 and rolls in...8..Cilo hops to his feet..9..and just beats the ten count back in. Sean Storm stomps on his back and then locks in a camel clutch! Joey struggles and strains under the pressure...eventually he stands up and rams Sean Storm into the corner turnbuckle! Both men are flat out and stay down for several moments. They both get up about the same time and Cilo charges ACE HIGH KICK...NO! Storm ducks and Cilo hits the mat...ROLLING BOSTON CRAB! Cilo is stuck right in the middle of the ring and has no choice but to submit!

Winner: Sean Storm

Joey Styles: What a display of athleticism by Sensational Sean Storm.

Teddy Hart w/Fabien Kaelin vs Shawn Cortez

Teddy Hart stands in the ring and Shawn Cortez's music hits, but no one comes out. He wins the match by forfeit.

Winner: Teddy Hart

A throbbing bass line kicks in, instantly recognizable as "Animal I Have Become." The next match is about to start, and Dilbert makes his way down to ringside. And he's not alone.

Dilbert: Thank you, all, for attending our annual staff retreat. We have a lot to attend to before we can break for lunch, so if you'd all take your seats, and someone can put the Powerpoint slides up on the projector there, we'll get started.

Christopher Nowinski: Oh, just wonderful. Joseph, can you tell me just what in the world he's rambling on about? Or, perhaps, could my associates please come down here to settle this matter?

Joey Styles: Not only can't I tell you, Chris, I wouldn't, in no small part because my name's Joey, not Joseph! You claim to have a Harvard education, so you should at least be capable of remembering that much.

Dilbert: *glares at Nowinski* As I was saying. My associate here has asked me to introduce him, not that he needs introduction. Take a bow, Tony.

While that's going on, the Powerpoint presentation starts up on the Tron.

Dilbert: Ah, that's better. Here, we can clearly see the beginning of our current market trend: Ted and Mike DiBiase getting involved in my match on Wired. You'll notice in this next slide that I am out of the ring, walking back to the locker room. This, of course, is in no small part the DiBiases' doing.

Christopher Nowinski: And yet it's a bare shadow of what they'll do here tonight!

Dilbert: Mr. Nowinski, I suggest you not interrupt me. Tony's not a huge fan of interruptions.

Tony rolls out of the ring and moves over to the announce table to stare down Chris Nowinski. Oddly, Chris seems to develop a sudden and severe case of laryngitis at this moment, to the great delight of Joey Styles, Dilbert, and the great majority of the crowd.

Dilbert: Now, in these next slides, we see a repeated pattern. I stand in the ring, involved in a match, the DiBiases come down, they attack me, I whip their asses for a while, then the numbers game catches up. *He flips through several slides showing exactly that.* Now, the numbers game isn't one I enjoy playing. I've dealt with Arthur Andersen before; I know that if you put financial statements on Dancing With The Stars, they'd run rings around Emmitt Smith. I like my numbers nice and simple... like two on two.

Tony and I have a little proposition for you schmucks. No Nowinski. No Ashley Lane. No personal security guards, no Dobermans, no lawyers, no outside interference whatsoever. Just the two of you, the two of us, and a referee to make sure we stop when Tony starts slipping on your blood. Problem is, we can't trust you not to get help involved. How, pray tell, might we keep your friends out, and us in?

One last slide: blue metal bars, ramrod straight, in a lattice.

Dilbert: Ah, yes. That would fit the bill nicely. You two, vs. the two of us, in a CAGE MATCH! This may come as a bit of a shock to you, I know. You don't need to answer us now; after all, it may take a couple weeks for the words "cage match" to process in those empty caverns you're carrying on your necks. But the offer stands. Any place you like, any time you like, Ms. Stratus can bring the ring and the bars. You bring the tackling dummies, and we'll bring the righteous vengeance you have coming to you. What do you say, punks?

The DiBiase Brothers enter with Ashley Lane and don't acknowledge the challenge by Dilbert and Tony in the slightest bit. Mike rolls in the ring and is eager to get a start on the match.

Mike DiBiase w/Ashley Lane & Ted DiBiase Jr. vs Dilbert w/Tony

Mike charges in for a lariat, but Dilbert dodges and rolls DiBiase up 1..2..3!

Winner: Dilbert

Christopher Nowinski: NO! NO! NOOOOOOOO!
Joey Styles: YES! YES! YES!

Mike DiBiase is furious and starts attacking Dilbert! Tony slides into the ring and crushes him with a devastating pump kick! Ted Jr. rolls him and grabs his brother to make for their escape. As they get to the top of the ramp Ted Jr. grabs a microphone.

Ted DiBiase Jr.: You want a cage match?! Well you've got it!

Tag Team
CM Punk & John Bradshaw Layfield vs Alpha & Gavin Payne

JBL starts off in the ring with Gavin Payne and begins working him over using his strength to toss him around the ring like a sack of potatoes! Eventually he whips him off the ropes and Payne counters with a cross body! He's caught and is nailed with a Fall Away Slam! Payne stumbles to his feet and staggers back towards his ropes, Alpha blind tags him just before CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL! JBL makes the cover, but the referee doesn't count. Alpha picks JBL up and hits him with the Euthanasia! Instead of pinning him he throws JBL into his own corner. CM Punk laughs as if he is supposed to tag in, but refuses. Alpha rushes over and grabs Punk's hand. Punk struggles, but Alpha uses Punk's own arm to tag him in. He then pulls Punk over the top rope with a hard landing. Punk is slow to get up and when he does he sees Alpha charging towards him...ALPHA STRIKE! 1..2..3!

Winners: Alpha and Gavin Payne

Turd Ferguson

Sorry about the lateness and shortness of this show. My vacation last week and some personal stuff really screwed it up this week. I am probably going to need help doing these shows in the future. Does anyone want to help out and become a co-authority?

Joey Cilo

i'm game just tell me what to do in PM


I can try and help out a bit as well

Commissioner D2

I'll be sure to take care of that thing I told you.
WWE Raw Deal Commissioner and Director of Cards
The Original Hardcore Mallet-Swinging Freak
Official Outside Consultant of Team Niki Heber and Friends...and Mitch!
I made @VelaCards happen!!!!!


I'd be willing to help, though I don't know how good I'd be at it, since I barely make deadline as is.
Universally Recognized as a Mature and Responsible Adult.

Playing on Lackey? I'm on US Eastern Time; you can check what time it is for me here.


I would offer too, but it's bad enough that everyone has to read my writing in my posts. Besides, it looks like almost everyone else offered to be a writer, and we need some wrestlers to continue to work the shows.
"Ever since man first left his cave and met a stranger with a different language and a new way of looking at things, the human race has had a dream: to kill him, so we don't have to learn his language or his new way of looking at things." --- Zapp Brannigan (Beast With a Billion Backs)