Author Topic: A really disgusting Valentine's Day  (Read 3241 times)

Offline Drywall

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A really disgusting Valentine's Day
« on: February 14, 2009, 10:23:01 PM »
WARNING: This story is BAD. FOUL. Rated M for Mature. Disgusting and should not be read by ANYONE. Completely and utterly GROSS and vomit inducing.

*************************************************


I'm glad you're still here. I warned you!

On friday the 13th (chew chew chew ka ka ka) I went to a party to get DRUNK. Another friend of mine passed away last week, so it was time to drown the sorrow.

I'm in the basement playing my Marvel Vs. Capcom 2 arcade machine, and I'm pretty tipsy. I'm using Amigo for crying out loud! This girl, who I don't know, hands me a bottle with no label, and says "try this, it's delicious."

I ask "what the eff is in it?" She responds with "really really good vodka." So I take a couple chugs and hand it back.

I find out a short time later that it's everclear. UG.

I don't remember the rest of the night to say the least...I'm guessing I eventually blacked out.

Next morning comes by (this morning, valentine's day), and I feel like a dead seahorse in december. I get up eventually, and my girlfriend is taking a shower. (*insert wolf whistle) I ask her for a valentine's day "press your ta-ta's on the glass door" gift. She does, and it's awesome.

Fast forward to 20 mins later, she's doing her hair in the bathroom, and I'm in the shower. She likes my butt for some reason, and asks me to return the glass favor. So, I press my ham against the glass. Still hungover and kinda drunk from the night before, I feel a fart coming. I'm a guy, and retarded, so I think farts are funny. I bust it out on the glass, making a LOUD clapping noise, and I start laughing as hard as possible.

My butt still pressed against the glass, and me laughing and body poisoned with alcohol, I fail to realize that I have an upset stomach, and I procede to spray liquid doo-doo ALL OVER THE SHOWER DOOR, with my girlfriend RIGHT THERE.

I am officially disgusted with myself..Jesus.

I hope your Valentine's Day started better then mine, and after that incident, I have a strange feeling I'm not getting "lucky" tonight.
I'm the wind, baby.

Offline KevinPeters

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Re: A really disgusting Valentine's Day
« Reply #1 on: February 14, 2009, 10:26:32 PM »
Awesome!

Offline neuromancer

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Re: A really disgusting Valentine's Day
« Reply #2 on: February 15, 2009, 01:15:36 AM »
LOL!

You are god damn hilarious.

You make my day.
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Offline frehocc

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Re: A really disgusting Valentine's Day
« Reply #3 on: February 15, 2009, 06:35:16 AM »
you know what this is?

Holy Sh!t
Suckiest card... EVER... Frankie Takes Hollywood. Sucks so hard it is practically a black hole.
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Offline Doctor Barone

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Re: A really disgusting Valentine's Day
« Reply #4 on: February 15, 2009, 06:49:15 AM »
roflmao.

This 100% made my morning.
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Offline Joey Cilo

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Re: A really disgusting Valentine's Day
« Reply #5 on: February 15, 2009, 08:13:42 AM »
You not only have made me smile but you have officially become my idol. I will have dreams of this story and share it with my children. All Hail

Offline Rein

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Re: A really disgusting Valentine's Day
« Reply #6 on: February 15, 2009, 09:12:10 AM »
So that's how it gets on the walls above my head in the wal mart bathrooms eh?

Offline KevinPeters

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Re: A really disgusting Valentine's Day
« Reply #7 on: February 15, 2009, 10:28:28 AM »
I mean when your feeling a bad hangover, just back that ass up to the shower door and spray like a cat.

I've been laughing about this since I read. I would give a million dollas to see your GF's face as that went down.

Priceless!

Offline Rein

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Re: A really disgusting Valentine's Day
« Reply #8 on: February 15, 2009, 11:30:10 AM »
Is there still a Ms. Drywall?

Offline Drywall

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Re: A really disgusting Valentine's Day
« Reply #9 on: February 15, 2009, 01:57:09 PM »
Yes, yes there is. She even made a Raw Deal joke about it.

She asked me if that was what I'd call a "Cerebral Spray." No lies. She's awesome.
I'm the wind, baby.

Offline JaysonPhenix

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Re: A really disgusting Valentine's Day
« Reply #10 on: February 15, 2009, 02:05:27 PM »
I was actually thinking the DX presidental speech lol

Offline Mitch!

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Re: A really disgusting Valentine's Day
« Reply #11 on: February 15, 2009, 02:24:27 PM »
I didn't even know it was valentines day until about 5 pm last night, good thing my girl don't care :)
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Offline Philippine Milkfish

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Re: A really disgusting Valentine's Day
« Reply #12 on: February 15, 2009, 10:54:58 PM »
You sir, are awesome! I will name my children after you.
Your gf, dude she's equally awesome. You guys are so totally reeking of awesomeness!





(...at least it's not reeking of holy shiart)



Bravo good sir! *applauds*
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Offline neuromancer

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Re: A really disgusting Valentine's Day
« Reply #13 on: February 15, 2009, 10:56:01 PM »
Yes, yes there is. She even made a Raw Deal joke about it.

She asked me if that was what I'd call a "Cerebral Spray." No lies. She's awesome.

If tco were to hold a moment of the year, this will definitely be the one.
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Offline piperspitt

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Re: A really disgusting Valentine's Day
« Reply #14 on: February 15, 2009, 11:02:43 PM »
This is up there with the "Am I Seeing Things" thread. "Am I Shitting Things?"  ;D
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Offline Drywall

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Re: A really disgusting Valentine's Day
« Reply #15 on: February 15, 2009, 11:07:16 PM »
Yes, yes there is. She even made a Raw Deal joke about it.

She asked me if that was what I'd call a "Cerebral Spray." No lies. She's awesome.

If tco were to hold a moment of the year, this will definitely be the one.

I'd love it if Goth gave me the title of "Awesomest TCO Storyteller" or something similar, LOL. I'm flattered you guys like my gross stories so much. :)
I'm the wind, baby.

Offline sickness_within

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Re: A really disgusting Valentine's Day
« Reply #16 on: February 15, 2009, 11:10:54 PM »
I mean when your feeling a bad hangover, just back that ass up to the shower door and spray like a cat.

I've been laughing about this since I read. I would give a million dollas to see your GF's face as that went down.

Priceless!

i would as well.

Offline superradjoe

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Re: A really disgusting Valentine's Day
« Reply #17 on: February 16, 2009, 12:06:22 AM »
Kudos to you, sir.

I haven't laughed that hard in a while.
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Offline Doctor Barone

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Re: A really disgusting Valentine's Day
« Reply #18 on: February 16, 2009, 01:52:52 AM »
Yes, yes there is. She even made a Raw Deal joke about it.

She asked me if that was what I'd call a "Cerebral Spray." No lies. She's awesome.

If tco were to hold a moment of the year, this will definitely be the one.

I'd love it if Goth gave me the title of "Awesomest TCO Storyteller" or something similar, LOL. I'm flattered you guys like my gross stories so much. :)

I'm a devout follower of the Church of Tucker Max, so this is right down my ally.
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