Author Topic: FOR ADULTS! The Overused Muse-A funny Story  (Read 3993 times)

Offline Drywall

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FOR ADULTS! The Overused Muse-A funny Story
« on: February 18, 2008, 01:47:34 PM »
I have many many stories that I share with friends about true events that have happened in my very short 25 years on this planet.

This is just one of them, and for some odd reason, one of the most popular.

*****WARNING! STRONG ADULT CONTENT FOLLOWS! NOT FOR THE EASILY OFFENED!*******************************************

*END DISCLAIMER*


Many years ago, I worked in a store specializing in adult entertainment.

I worked the register.

Anyways, I co-ran an adult-oriented link-based website for many years, so I'm really numb to anything shocking in the world of pornography.

Being a 25 year-old male living in the world we do doesn't help either.

I was in the store alone, later at night (9:45 pm) on a Monday night. Eventually a couple (man and woman) came in. They immediately went downstairs to the arcade (do I need to explain? people go in a booth, select a movie, there's a stool to sit on, a trash can and tissues....yeah.... anyway.)

In the arcade, we had 5 booths. The wall between the first two booths has a hole drilled in it, which has been dubbed in the adult entertainment business as a "Glory Hole". If you're unaware of what this is used for, I'll speak in code. 

Hole in wall, things go in hole in wall, annyomous person in connecting room does things to thing that went in hole, half the time they don't know each other...but regulars know which wall downstairs has said hole and either take advantage of it or avoid it, per their preference.

The couple avoided the hole. They went together in booth 5.

About 4 minutes later, a guy came in wearing carharts and coleman boots...looks like he just went hunting. He browsed around for a bit, probably nervous/ashamed. He eventually went downstairs.

Not even 1 minute later, a regular came in. He went downstairs post-haste. He never buys anything upstairs.

About 3 minutes later, as I'm doing inventory, I hear the LOUDEST, most terrifying, blood-curdling scream I have ever heard in the entire life, horror movies included.

I throw my head back and say in a low whisper "What...the...fu*k?"

I make my way downstairs.

Did I mention that redneck went into booth 1, and regular went into booth 2?

HERE'S THE SCENE!

1.) Couple is in the back of the hallway, both are white as ghosts, with their hands over their mouths, terrified.

2.) Redneck has his hands up in the air, like he's going to be arrested. He's saying over and over "It was an accident, I swear! I'm sorry!"

3.) Regular is lying on the ground, in the fetal position. Around his crotch and behind him, trickled from the booth, is blood. A lot of it. He doesn't look good.

After questioning, here's what went down (no pun intended!)

Couple was in booth 5, the last booth at the end of the hall. Reneck is in booth 1, getting his "touch himself time" on. Regular is in booth 2. He sees the whole, and notices there's a guy in the adjacent booth, and just assumes he understands the glory hole.

He proceeded to put his manhood into the hole.

The redneck, turns and sees it, jumps back off of his stool, and in his own words his "first instinct was to kick it!"

He heel kicked the dude's manhood with his thick as hell coleman boots, nearly breaking it in half.

I call 911. The operator, and I'm not making this up, asks me if I can apply pressure to the wound.

"I can't do that. SORRY."

Police arrive on the scene, as do paramedics. The guy gets carted away, and redneck is taken to the station.

I ask the cop "This has GOT to be the most f'ed up thing you've even seen. He says there's someting that comes close, a year ago, about 40 minutes south of us, a guy had to be rushed to the hospital because he was hip-thrusting into a porcelain or ceramic vase, and squeezed it too hard, cause it to shatter. The sharp pieces sliced though him, almost doing a sex-change operation on the dude.

Wow.

*****End of story***********

Let me know if I should ever post more stories, I've got a lot. All true, all life events.

I'm the wind, baby.

Offline nimrod

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Re: FOR ADULTS! The Overused Muse-A funny Story
« Reply #1 on: February 18, 2008, 02:02:43 PM »
Jesus, I nearly went into the fetal position myself after reading that....
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Offline CreedP

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Re: FOR ADULTS! The Overused Muse-A funny Story
« Reply #2 on: February 18, 2008, 02:04:23 PM »
-falls off chair and rolls out of room laughing hysterically-

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Offline SemiBaked

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Re: FOR ADULTS! The Overused Muse-A funny Story
« Reply #3 on: February 18, 2008, 03:08:59 PM »
FANTASTIC, you just made my whole week.

Please Please Please Post more of these!  One time I almost took a job at a strip club, lol.
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Offline sickness_within

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Re: FOR ADULTS! The Overused Muse-A funny Story
« Reply #4 on: February 18, 2008, 04:04:14 PM »
OMG!!!! now that is almost as bad as when the dude shoved his thing into a pool filter

Offline KevinPeters

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Re: FOR ADULTS! The Overused Muse-A funny Story
« Reply #5 on: February 18, 2008, 06:42:46 PM »
Git 'er done

Zing!

Offline HXCDisciple

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Re: FOR ADULTS! The Overused Muse-A funny Story
« Reply #6 on: February 18, 2008, 08:08:33 PM »
Frickin' OW.

That's a pain I've never felt or wanted to feel, and I've taken a football to the junk from long distance before.  Do...not...want.
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Offline RainXTN

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Re: FOR ADULTS! The Overused Muse-A funny Story
« Reply #7 on: February 19, 2008, 12:21:19 AM »
That......I feel so bad for that guy.     :'(
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Offline Whitescorpion

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Re: FOR ADULTS! The Overused Muse-A funny Story
« Reply #8 on: February 21, 2008, 06:37:22 AM »
OMG!wow, just wow!

Offline Mister Castle

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Re: FOR ADULTS! The Overused Muse-A funny Story
« Reply #9 on: February 22, 2008, 07:16:47 PM »
*thinks about that scene in "There's Something About Mary"*

*proceeds to violently throw up a PB & J sandwich*
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Offline Scotty

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Re: FOR ADULTS! The Overused Muse-A funny Story
« Reply #10 on: February 22, 2008, 08:29:51 PM »
FRANK AND BEANS!!

Offline MediumSexy

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Re: FOR ADULTS! The Overused Muse-A funny Story
« Reply #11 on: May 13, 2008, 08:30:26 PM »
Let me know if I should ever post more stories, I've got a lot. All true, all life events.

Hey... Post more stories. All my friends got a good laugh on this one.

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Offline Dre

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Re: FOR ADULTS! The Overused Muse-A funny Story
« Reply #12 on: June 11, 2008, 10:39:49 PM »
Oh, my entire body just convulsed like 213908 times upon reading that. As I was laughing, of course.

Needless to say, I'm passing that one around to people now.

Offline Have_A_Nice_Day

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Re: FOR ADULTS! The Overused Muse-A funny Story
« Reply #13 on: June 14, 2008, 09:14:22 AM »
 reading that made me feel his pain

Offline Doctor Barone

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Re: FOR ADULTS! The Overused Muse-A funny Story
« Reply #14 on: June 15, 2008, 09:55:53 AM »
It can't be described in words how hard I just laughed at that. Definitely post more.
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Offline Drywall

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Re: FOR ADULTS! The Overused Muse-A funny Story
« Reply #15 on: July 31, 2008, 10:39:18 PM »
Side Note: I've been gone...for a long time.

To make the short of it, I had to bury a friend of mine who came to his end at his own hands.

It's been a process, but I was a hermit for a bit...and I just want to apologize.

I'm posting another story VERY soon, I hope you guys will like it.

-Simon
I'm the wind, baby.