Author Topic: Victims:Penn State  (Read 1822 times)

Offline piperspitt

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Victims:Penn State
« on: November 10, 2011, 01:18:38 PM »
Let me preface this by saying that rape/molestation are a terrible thing that nobody should ever have to go through. I have not gone through this, nor have any family member of mine. None of my discussion is intended to belittle or make it seem as if it isn't that big of a deal, because it is.

While these particular victims have been dealing with this for years in reality my questions are as if this is the beginning of the process.

1. Did any of these kids possibly think that they enjoyed this? Did they not realize that this was a big crime? Were they just too embarrassed to say anything?
Maybe they did, but it appears as if none of them said anything for years.

2. How does one deal with being the victim after the fact? You can't undo it. Physically it doesn't really matter, you are not really harmed long term, but emotionally you are. Why is that? It's not their fault, bad things happen to people all the time, so why does rape/molestation allow people to be so psychologically harmed? Is it because society makes it that way? Do we tell them as a society that they are now "damaged goods" or emotionally fragile? Why can't we teach people to get over this as if it was a broken bone?

3. Why do people sue for emotional distress? While money can pay some bills for treatment or lost wages, does it really have anything to do with what happened? Is it just another punishment for the responsible party or is it a golden ticket that is supposed to turn bad luck into being a victor?
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Offline TimJR

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Re: Victims:Penn State
« Reply #1 on: November 10, 2011, 02:12:50 PM »
Okay, I'm going to respect your attempt to just talk this out, and I'll just make some general points in terms of rape and molestation victims/survivors, especially because I know little to nothing about the whole Penn State situation.

There is a huge, huge social stigma about being molested/raped. It's a violation of your sense of self, your ability to control what happens to you, a complete loss of power. And yet more often than not, those who are molested or raped are blamed equally for it happening than the perpetrator. By both society, and often the legal system as well. The entire process of legal action, the countless questioning, etcetera, is a big ordeal. And that's especially true minors who have been abused by those in a position of power over them.

As for suing for emotional distress, it really has its does entire legal basis in paying for treatment, lost wages, and loss of quality of life (not a direct parallel, but consider for instance alimony payment made to an ex-spouse to maintain a certain quality of life). And yeah, I'd say it probably is just another punishment for the responsible party.
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Offline piperspitt

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Re: Victims:Penn State
« Reply #2 on: November 10, 2011, 02:20:51 PM »
Penn state got me thinking about this, but it's really just a general conversation.

Are you saying that we as a society are part of the problem of the recovery because of the way we react to the victim? If so, how could we act differently to change this so that victims wouldn't be as traumatized?

If society didn't make it such a huge ordeal, would more people be willing to come forward about what happened to them and then be able to punish more of this sick people before they claim more victims?
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Offline SmartAssAssassin

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Re: Victims:Penn State
« Reply #3 on: November 10, 2011, 02:28:13 PM »

There is a huge, huge social stigma about being molested/raped. It's a violation of your sense of self, your ability to control what happens to you, a complete loss of power. And yet more often than not, those who are molested or raped are blamed equally for it happening than the perpetrator. By both society, and often the legal system as well. The entire process of legal action, the countless questioning, etcetera, is a big ordeal. And that's especially true minors who have been abused by those in a position of power over them.


That.

People are afraid to admit they were taking advantage of. Embarassed in general. I would imagine, if something like this happend to me, i would want justice more than anything. Yet id have a hard time going up to anyone and saying "Yeah, so and so *insert sexual abuse act here*"


I find it hard to believe anyone would have enjoyed this. And as a young child, youre nieve to the world. You dont know whats normal, or what someone is allowed to do or not do, or what you are supposed to do. Hell, sometimes you dont even know what a normal part of life is and what isnt when your young. And just because something feels "wrong" at the time, doesnt nesessarilly mean it is. I remember when i was young, it felt wrong to transition from diapers to underwear. And while that is an absoultely piss poor comparison, the basic premise is there. It felt weird, but i was young, who was i to say whether it was wrong or right. The same thing may have happened here. Sure it may have felt wrong, but how were these kids to know?
And once one person gets the courgae to come out and say something, its easier for others because they know they are not alone.

More importantly, this isnt an isolated incident. Ive heard alot of peoples abuse stories that have been kept under wraps, sometimes for years, all for numerous reasons. Embarassment, shame, guilt, didnt want to ruin a family.

The bottom line is, theres all kinds of reasons, and everyone tends to react differently.

Dave

Offline JDub

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Re: Victims:Penn State
« Reply #4 on: November 10, 2011, 03:11:46 PM »


More importantly, this isnt an isolated incident. Ive heard alot of peoples abuse stories that have been kept under wraps, sometimes for years, all for numerous reasons. Embarassment, shame, guilt, didnt want to ruin a family.

A lot of the time the person will tell the victim something like "don't tell anyone or I'll kill you/your family" or something like that. As a 10 year old I can't even imagine what they would think in that situation and I doubt you could blame them for not telling anyone even when they are taught to.

Offline piperspitt

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Re: Victims:Penn State
« Reply #5 on: November 10, 2011, 04:47:02 PM »
Absolutely. You shouldn't blame them for something, but it did allow these acts to continue and create more victims. At the same time we are blaming others for not saying something, even though it's not exactly the same thing, it has the same end result of enablement. How do we change as a society to take away that feeling of shame to get more people to stand up against something that is so wrong?
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Offline Antigoth

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Re: Victims:Penn State
« Reply #6 on: November 11, 2011, 11:20:02 AM »
How do we change as a society to take away that feeling of shame to get more people to stand up against something that is so wrong?

By having celebrities who have survived it step and say say "This is not okay."
For example look up Theoren Fleury a hockey player who years later stood up and said "This happened to me."

In schools allowing sex education, and teach children "My body's nobodies body but mine."

There is no quick fix. Things like this have gone on for millennia, and sadly will continue to happen. All we can do is provide support and understanding for those who are affected.

Offline HalfBadger

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Re: Victims:Penn State
« Reply #7 on: May 20, 2012, 09:01:27 PM »
Absolutely. You shouldn't blame them for something, but it did allow these acts to continue and create more victims. At the same time we are blaming others for not saying something, even though it's not exactly the same thing, it has the same end result of enablement. How do we change as a society to take away that feeling of shame to get more people to stand up against something that is so wrong?

Sorry, I didn't see this topic earlier.

As for the shame thing, it reminds of King of the Hill episode. Where Hank is sexually molested/assaulted by a Dolphin and refuses to tell anyone, because of shame, however later he sees Luanne being sexually arrested working as a beer girl on golf course. When Hank asks Luanne (who knew what happened to Hank) why she puts up with it and doesn't tell the club. Luanne talks about shame, similar how Hank hasn't told anyone about the Dolphin. Naturally being a 30 minute sitcom, Hank comes clean and things work out. However like Goth said it more ppl come out, it'll help remove the stigma from the victims of any crime.
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