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Topics - Daeva

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General Chat / Daeva and CRASHER's 24-Hour* Post-Whore Depot
« on: December 12, 2017, 05:39:26 PM »
Well, it's my birthday today, so I'm gonna leave this post open for a day for everyone to get their +1s in.

I just want to say thanks to all of you who post in here in advance. I really appreciate everyone here, and everyone on TCO. Even the people in the Rules Forum. Especially the people in the Rules Forum! Big thanks to Creed for keeping the place running, as well.

Otherwise, just post for your +1 post count! Keep it classy! Make it fun!

General Chat / Didn't Even Notice...
« on: April 07, 2017, 05:12:25 PM »
... but I passed 10,000 posts recently. As I am ever a river to my people, let the 24-hour post-whore-a-thon commence! Everyone can come and get their +1 post count!

General Chat / His Post Count...
« on: June 08, 2015, 12:59:17 PM »
... it's over eight thousand! Over nine thousand, even!

Stone Cold crushes his scouter.

"What? What? What?"

Whore them posts for 24 hours, folks.

General Chat / Initiate Post-Whoring Procedures
« on: December 12, 2014, 10:37:37 AM »
Today is the day of my birth.

General Chat / Doctor Who
« on: April 01, 2014, 12:53:05 PM »
The Master, though, now that I am 100% behind you on. Provided he's not DREZZZZZZZZZING for the occasion, that is. (Eric Roberts? Really, Fox? That's what you come up with for the freaking MASTER?)

In fairness, that wasn't a true regeneration of the Master, that was just a random paramedic that he bodysnatched. Who would hire a paramedic that reeks of evil?

Derek Jacobi (as short-lived as he was in the role) and John Simm more than make up for that blip on the Master's awesomeness index.

Making this a separate thread to avoid spoiling the Rumble results, and then I'll merge it with the Rumble thread sometime tomorrow.

The slot machine had a good spin, but Preferential Treatment let us down at #21 instead of #28 or 29. If Warrior had come into an emptier ring, he really could have taken it.

General Chat / Double Post Whore Extravaganza
« on: December 09, 2013, 07:59:00 PM »
Part of my reputation is for giving people what they want. To live up to that, and in celebration of not only the fact that I have 8,000 posts, but also that my 28th birthday is this week, this will be a special 48-hour double-length post-whore-a-thon.

+1 it up, people!

Rules Forum / Timing Breakdown
« on: July 25, 2013, 02:26:29 PM »
This is straight from the FAQ. If there are timing issues, check here first, following the steps will resolve 99% of them.

Timing Breakdown
1 Play the card.  Until the card is moved to another area, it is not in any area while resolving the Timing Breakdown.
1a Reveal the card to all players and choose a target or targets for the card (if any.)

2a Determine the Fortitude cost for the card, including modifiers, the effects of the card’s player first, then his opponent’s effects. (Multiplication/division first, then addition/subtraction.) You may not play a card if you cannot meet the Fortitude cost, unless a ‘when played’ effect can lower the Fortitude cost; this effect can only be as a function of playing the card.
2b Determine that you can meet all of the 'must' requirements listed on the card.
2c Check that a Follow-up condition is met (if required), including any ‘ignore the text’ effects.
2d If any of these steps can not be satisfied, the sequence ends immediately and the card remains where it started. (It does not count as having been played.)
2e Apply any ‘when played’ effects from the card’s controller.
2f Apply any ‘when played’ effects from the opponent.

3a Apply damage modifiers from sources that you control. (Multiplication/division first, then addition/subtraction.)
3b Apply reversal modifiers of the card played.(self-plunging or maneuvers that bar reversals (Panics, Atomic Lariat, Shoots, etc.))

4 Apply damage modifiers from sources your targeted opponent controls. (Multiplication/division first, then addition/subtraction.)

5a Targeted opponent may play a reversal card or generate a reversal effect. (If he plays a reversal card, that card will follow its own Timing Breakdown sequence.)
5b If you played a card with Multi, targeted opponent may play or generate a second reversal after the first reversal has completed all effects and damage.
5c If the card is completely reversed, the Timing Breakdown ends.

6 The card is now 'Successfully Played' and enters the Ring Area.  If this card is reversing the card in question (it is not the first reversal to a Multi, it is not Over Sell Maneuver), the affected maneuver is now considered reversed. (Any text on the card and any Traits on the card are considered to be in your Ring Area after this step is complete. This excludes text that would modify or trigger in any of the first six steps.)
6a Some cards are put into the Ringside Pile or other area instead of going to the Ring Area (Iron Will etc.) The Timing Breakdown still continues as normal, these cards never enter the Ring Area.  They will resolve during the text resolution (Step 8) at that time, and will still resolve to its destination even if blanked.

7a Effects you control (other than this card's text taking place when played or when successful played) that trigger on a Successfully Played card take place. In the event of more than one effect, you choose which order they occur.
7b Effects your opponent controls that trigger on a Successfully Played card take place. Opponent chooses the order. (This is where cards such as Over Sell Maneuver and Sustained Damage are played.)

8 Apply effects listed on the card, unless these effects take place ‘when played’ or ‘when this card is in’ a specified area.

9a Chance for activated damage modification (Sustained Damage, Los Guerreros)
9b Damage is overturned one card at a time. Appropriate reversals may be overturned.  (This is also the Step where cards are overturned for Raw & Ready, Over Sell Maneuver, and other cards that replace damage with overturning cards.)
9c Effects generated from resolving a maneuver’s damage may be performed by the player of the original card (searching for a Chain card, for example)
9d Effects generated from resolving a maneuver’s damage may be performed by the opponent (Jamie Noble’s superstar ability, activating There’s No Holding Me Back)
9e Any ‘end the turn’ effects are resolved, along with any effects triggered by ending the turn.

Virtual Raw Deal / Virtual 5 Errata
« on: January 24, 2013, 05:07:53 PM »
Unfortunately, it's time to adjust a Virtual 5 card, but we couldn't just sit on this one. It's Dynamincally Inclined.

The intent of DI was to give Dynamic decks a boost in PM search and draw without clogging themselves up by drawing a bunch of high-F dynamics. The intent was Not to let Back to Basics decks get a free ride with 10 Dynamic moves. So, we're changing the card to read as follows:

Dynamically Inclined
Backstage Card
Cannot be packed by Doink or Lex Luger.
Before starting hands are drawn, search your Arsenal for 10 non-Trademark-Finisher maneuvers with "dynamic" in the title, put them under this card, and shuffle;  if you do not, hide this card.  At the end of the Pre-match phase, choose 1 card under this card, put it into your hand, and shuffle the other cards into your Arsenal.
Your Pre-match Capacity is +1 for each The Luck of The Draw card in your Ring greater than 1.
Your non-Unique maneuvers with "dynamic" in the title are -3F and +2D.
When you have lower Fortitude, your opponent is considered to have double the number of reversals in his Ring for your effects with "dynamic" in the title or text.
Unique     RMS logo

This will break any interaction with Back to Basics. Sorry for any inconvienience that this change causes. We'll have a new version of Dynamically Inclined in the download files in a day or two.

General Chat / Post-whore it up
« on: January 10, 2013, 09:25:37 PM »
Thanks to Virtual Raw Deal, I'm now a member of the 7000+ posts club, and I'm giving something back to the community.

+1s for all!

General Chat / You May Now Commence the Post-whoring
« on: December 12, 2012, 07:00:12 PM »
I just turned 27.


General Chat / It's Over Nine Thou... Wait, That Isn't Right
« on: April 06, 2012, 04:34:22 AM »
Somehow, some way, I got to 6,000 posts. Commence the post whore-athon for the day!

Classic Raw Deal / Emergency pre-GenCon errata
« on: August 02, 2011, 06:02:05 PM »
We said that we weren't going to make any major changes before GenCon, but there is one typo that needs fixing:

On the errata version of Not According to the Fine Print, the reference to Backed by Vince McMahon should be Backed by Mr. McMahon. Consider it corrected, i.e. the card does what it's supposed to do.

Since the last errata thread devolved into requests to fundamentally alter and weaken cards, I'm going to lock this one. Everyone should consider themselves notified for GenCon.

Classic Raw Deal / Recent errata
« on: July 11, 2011, 11:30:05 AM »
With GenCon fast approaching, Creed and I would like to take this opportunity to point out a couple of pieces of errata that just went into the Virtual FAQ. The first one is a simple typo fix: on Goldberg's The Lone Warrior, we printed "guest ring announcer" but we meant "guest ringside announcer". Sorry about that. Consider it corrected.

The second is in regards to Bret Hart's The Hitman. When we changed a lot of Superstar-specific Pre-matches from having the Restricted Modification Symbol to being unblankable, that made them all vulnerable to being restricted by Hitman, which was unintended. The Hitman has received the following errata: Change the first sentence to read, "Your opponent cannot play Pre-match cards with "blank" in the text unless those cards have "Cannot be blanked" in the text."

If you have any questions about any rules interactions prior to GenCon, check out the Virtual FAQ and the OmniFAQ, as well as the threads in the Rules Forum, and if that still doesn't answer your questions, post 'em up in the Rules Forum.

Classic Raw Deal / I Am What I Say I Am...
« on: May 08, 2011, 08:16:04 PM »
...and that's a member of the 5,000 post club! I said I'd make it sometime during SNME development!

+1s for everyone who cares to post in this thread for the next couple of days!

Rules Forum / Raw Deal Virtual FAQ and Revision Notes
« on: September 01, 2010, 09:44:55 PM »


- These cards are legal for play when 'Virtual' cards are allowed, provided other conditions are met.  EXAMPLE:  A "Classic Virtual" tournament would permit The Ultimate Warrior to be played, but not <Revolution> Judo Takedown.
- Cards with terms associated with Revolution ('Momentum', 'Assault') are still legal for Classic play if they do not have the Revolution logo.
- The Virtual cards may either be placed over another card (which has no bearing on play) or printed on cardstock equivalent to Comic Images product, but these MUST be indistinguishable during play.
- The early sets were renamed, "Revolution 4" is now "Virtual 1", "WCW Invasion" is now also "Virtual 2", "Revolution 5" is now "Virtual 3", and "Saturday Night's Main Event" is now also "Virtual 4".
- Sleeves MUST be used when using these cards.
- As of Virtual 3, for Virtual Classic / Virtual All Axxess formats, Backlash decks may now contain up to 12 Pre-match and 12 Mid-match cards, with a maximum of 6 of each in the Ring.


Beth Phoenix
-"Completely reversing a card" is reversing it until it is unsuccessful (or reversed from Arsenal). Beth will search when she reverses a non-Multi card once.

Bray Wyatt
-His Ability works on a 'played' card (not 'successfully played'), so it can be used to reduce damage before playing a card like Elbow to the Face.

CM Punk
-Punk does not have to play his maneuver in the same turn that he names a card to get protection from that declaration. EXAMPLE: CM Punk can name A Revolution of the Mind, end his turn, then name Elbow to the Face next turn, play Precision Kick, and both of those Reversals are blocked.

-ERRATA: His Ability should refer to Hide and Seek, the Cheater Arsenal card, not Hide & Seek, the Pre-match Tag logo card. Additionally, The Diamond Cutter should be -5F for every DDP-specific non-Backlash card in your Ring.

Evan Bourne
-Evan's Ability cannot make Prepare For Takeoff not take a slot in the Ring due to that card's Restricted Modification Symbol. He can still play it during any Pre-match phase, as this modifies Evan's permissions and not the cards themselves.

-Finlay's Maximum Hand Size is only relevant as referenced in his Ability. It is not a hard cap on the number of cards Finlay may have in his hand at any time other than when his Ability kicks on and he buries/discards cards.

Gail Kim
-Gail's ability converts Raw Superstar-specifics to SmackDown! as soon as she packs them, so she may pack printed Raw Superstar-specifics in a SmackDown! Arsenal and Backlash deck.

Hart Foundation
-The moves are Chain when packed, so they cannot be packed with BASH cards.

Kevin Nash
- Since the Kevin Nash player is moving Egomaniacal, he can't use Judo Takedown in response.

Molly Holly
ERRATA: "You may not pack Deadly Diva Duo, Evening Gown Match, or Skirt vs. Skirt Match.

-Since MVP both controls the effect that removes his Pre-match cards and removes his Pre-match cards himself, he may not put any copies of Judo Takedown into play when he removes one of his Pre-match cards with his Ability.

Muhammad Hassan
-Frankie Takes Ho-llywood will prevent Hassan's ability from modifying Headstrong.

-Only Superstar-specific cards with the logo on the Nexus Superstar card can be packed.
-High-Flying Style cannot be packed, as that Ability is not added until the game is already being played.

nWo Wolfpack
-Backstage area cards like Enough Shenanigans or Raw Deal Fifth Anniversary, as well as Wolfpack's Superstar card itself, count toward their 20-card loss condition, even when they are hidden.

Rated RKO
-This Superstar is legal for the Revolution format if the Revolution logo is added as per its card text.
-You may add the Revolution logo even if you are not playing in Revolution format.
-Frankie Takes Ho-llywood will prevent You Think You Know Me from gaining the +20F from Rated RKO's Ability, as will Fortitude Surge, but Rated RKO cannot play Surge just from their own Ability.

Raw Guest Host
-Guest Host's ability converts SmackDown! Superstar-specific maneuvers to Raw as soon as they are packed, so he may pack SmackDown! Superstar-specific maneuvers in a Raw Arsenal.
-Guest Host's Superstar card has the Raw logo.

Razor Ramon
-RMS Heel reversal cards such as Anything and Hate It are legal to pack, as they are not being modified.

Roman Reigns
-Roman cannot pack The Maneuver of Doom as he cannot bypass the Chain or Heat traits.

- Regardless of which version of Struck by a Kendo Stick is used, only 5F is given for face-down cards.
- The Backstage Area is public knowledge, so while Kendo Stick is hidden, the opponent can still see which version is there.

Stevie Richards
-Once Stevie sacrifices the Ability that he stole from the opponent, he cannot regain it.

The Great Khali
-Khali's Ability is blank. There is no text missing from the card.

The King of Kings
-ERRATA: ".. and then search your Arsenal for 1 Triple H-specific maneuver...

The Legacy
-Legacy's ability cannot prevent an RMS maneuver from dealing its Damage.
-An "applicable reversal" is one that could potentially reverse the card from Arsenal.
-Legacy's Ability has full effect on a Multi maneuver and will still end the turn.

The Second Coming
-The face-down cards in his Ring can be played as if from hand or Backlash, depending on the type of card.  If they are not successful, they go to the Ringside as usual.
-If The Second Coming player flips That's Broken face-down, it will prevent the card under it from being played, as there is no text to allow it.  If the Broken is played, the card under it will go to Ringside.

The Showstopper
-The search for The Legend Lives On is performed when the Superstar card is revealed at the start of the game.

The Stinger
- Cards that would normally be removed from the game, such as A Revolution of the Mind, can be put in the Ring instead with Stinger's Ability.

The Total Package
ERRATA: Add "You cannot pack Corners." to the end of his Ability.

The Ultimate Warrior
-Warrior's Ability cannot affect RMS reversals, and they will still completely reverse Multis.

The Wyatt Family
-Bray Wyatt's pack text isn't applicable during construction.
-Putting Bray Wyatt into your Backstage Area with the text of The Rocking Chair does not change your Superstar, it is still "The Wyatt Family".  Effects specific to Bray Wyatt are not applicable.

Revolution Brothers of Destruction
-Cards that would be discarded as part of their text when played, and no longer have a destination, will default to the Ringside.

Virtual Raw Deal / Wave 8 - Evan Bourne, Beth Phoenix, Gail Kim
« on: August 12, 2010, 07:03:33 PM »
Per order of the Chairman, I present the next spoiler wave.

Classic Deck Reviews / Torrie for r3d3mption
« on: August 04, 2010, 05:34:00 PM »
This deck is for you, too, Frankie. I'm breaking your card.

“Vince's Devil”
Heel + Fan Favorite + Smackdown

Torrie Wilson
Backstage Signature
Backstage Signing Appearance
Raw Deal Fifth Anniversary

Bitter Rivals
Managed by Vince McMahon TB*
WWE Spinner Belt*
Champ is Here*
Centerfold of the Year*
Frankie Takes Ho-llywood
A No Show*
Taunt the Fans
WWF Women's Belt

Panic Grab
Golden Thong Award
The Road to Victory
Sustained Damage
Restricted Use in This Area
You're as Graceful As a Cow on Ice
Skirt the Issue x2
Nowhere Fast
Outside Interference

Girly Punch
Girly Grab
Modified Clutch onto Opponent x3
Torrie's DDT
Tornado DDT TB x2
Leaping DDT x2

Viva Las Divas x2
Mind Games TB
That's Broken! x2
Grab the Mic TB x2
Everyone Wants to Watch Women, Period x2
Let the Heeling Begin x2
Get a Look at These x2
Does This Look Good on Me?
The Boise Beauty
Caution: Dangerous Curves Ahead
Want to Take My Test? x3

Volley This x2
A Welcome Distraction
Chained Heat x2
Sidewalk Slam TB x2
It's Great To Be Back Here In...x2
A Revolution of the Mind x3
Elbow to the Face x2
Too Many Rules and Too Many Refs
Don't Try This at Home x2
Divine Intervention
Hold the Phone
The Raw Deal Revolution
The Coach Says, “Today's the Day!” x2
Get the F Out!
Strike a Pose
Manager Interferes x3
No Chance in Hell TB x2

Play the starred Pre-match, Frankie comes in for No Show. Finagle your way up to 9F and land Want to Take My Test?. Frankie gets you out of the self-plunge so you can stuff whatever they do and leave them with no hand and wide open to get plunged or battered with DDTs. Get a Look at These is there in case your opponent is stalling you out.

General Chat / Thank you, R5 Development...
« on: June 21, 2010, 10:33:19 AM »
...for making me post enough to hit 4000.

Begin the post-whoring!

Canadian Wrestling Alliance (FRP) / JBL at Ringside
« on: May 30, 2010, 09:49:21 PM »
<JBL is in his dressing room, the camera on him from the doorway as he talks on the phone.>

JBL: Hey, Sho, this is John. You know, JBL. I was thinkin' we could get together this weekend after the show, talk about old times, crack open a few beers. I'll bring Ron up, maybe see if I can find that little black butler that we used to have back on SmackDown! It should be a good time, call me back.

<Jeremy Borash comes into the shot.>

JB: Hey, sorry about that, my wife called.

JBL: No problem. You ready to get this promo going?

JB: Sure, John. Hey, camera guy, come on in here.

<JB and JBL glance at each other as the cameraman comes inside and they can see that the camera is live. Panic flashes over JB's face for a minute before JBL just laughs.>

JB: I'm here with John Bradshaw Layfield, going back to the announce table tonight in his role as ringside commentator for Alpha's match against James Altraz. JBL, Alpha certainly seems to think that you're going to get yourself involved in the match, do you have any thoughts on that?

<JBL shakes his head, removing his ten gallon hat.>

JBL: Jimmy, I was an announcer for hundreds of matches on Smackdown and on pay-per-view. At no time did I ever inject myself into the action. Do you know why? Because I am a professional. Trish Stratus obviously sees my talent as a color commentator and wants me there to drown out Joey Styles so people actually listen to the commentary. I have no intention on involving myself in Alpha's match with James Altraz, and in fact, I wish him the best of luck. Every match that Alpha has wears him out just a little more, stretches him just a little further, until I get to get my hands on him. I give Alpha my word that his match with James Altraz will not suffer from my presence at Ringside.

JB: And what about Funaki's presence? We saw Alpha try to buy him off just this past week.

JBL: Sho Funaki and I go way back in this business. I know him, he's a good man. If Alpha wants to try and buy him, that's his business, not mine.

JB: I've gotta say, JBL, you seem remarkably...well, good-natured. You haven't even said anything bad about the fans.

<JBL grins.>

JBL: What have I got to be unhappy about?

<The camera zooms in on his grin as it fades to black.>

Rules Forum / Raw Deal OmniFAQ
« on: May 23, 2010, 05:42:39 AM »
You can find the OmniFAQ here. The Revolution FAQ is here.

The original Floor Rules are here.

The Tag Team format rules are here

The Virtual OmniFAQ and Changes Document is here.

Archives / JBL, Running Late
« on: May 11, 2010, 07:21:17 PM »
<JBL's limo pulls into the Arena and nearly hits Funaki as it pulls to a stop and JBL climbs out of the back. Funaki starts swearing in Japanese before his eyes find the huge man climbing out of the back of the car.>

Funaki: Layfield-san, why are you in such a hurry tonight?

<JBL looks irate but he fields Funaki's question anyway.>

JBL: I like you, Funaki, so I'm not gonna knock you out for asking that. I've gotta get my pads on and get to the ring and I haven't seen hide nor hair of CM Punk. I don't even like the guy and I have to coexist with him tonight against Alpha and that psychotic prosecutorial freak, Gavin Payne. I've half a mind to just walk out and leave Punk and those straight-edge whackjobs to deal with those two.

Funaki: JBL-san, you can't be serious! Why would you leave CM Punk hanging like that?

JBL: Because I am a WRESTLING GOD, Funaki. Because he needs to learn who makes the rules around here, and who leaves who out in the cold. Punk wants to leave ME hanging? Nobody pulls that with John Bradshaw Layfield.

<JBL storms off toward the locker room, and the driver follows soon after with his bags.>

Funaki: This is Funaki, CWA's #1 Announcer, with this exclusive scoop! Back to you, Styles-san at Ringside!

Archives / JBL, Week 4
« on: April 23, 2010, 01:53:10 AM »
<A camera sweeps through a paneled hallway to a reception desk. Hanging above the desk is a huge "Layfield Energy" logo, with smaller logos beneath it for Mamajuana Extreme and 418. The camera takes a right, heading down a hall filled with glass-paneled doorways to rooms filled with cubicles. At the end of the hall, an impressive set of oak double doors rest below a sign that reads "Board Room". The doors open and the camera moves inside to see JBL at the head of the table, in his suit and ten gallon hat. Standing opposite him is a shorter man wearing a dark dress shirt along with a tie with several different instances of Mario on it.>

JBL: Mr...Jameson, we've called you into the board room because...

Jameson: You can call me David, if you like, Mr. Layfield.

JBL: Sure, ok. David, Dave, we've called you into the board room because your supervisor forwarded your last performance review. We've been looking it over quite closely and-

<David cuts JBL off midsentence.>

DJ: Am I getting a promotion? Oh, thank you, Mr. Layfield, this is the happiest day of my entire life! My wife just had twins and I was worried about how we were going to manage but with a pay raise I'll be able to take care of everything! Bless you, Mr. Layfield, you're the greatest boss in the world!

<JBL smiles his trademark smile as David moves around the board room table, reaching out to take JBL's hand and shake it vigorously. He keeps his smile as he speaks.>

JBL: Your boss passed your performance review on to his boss who passed it up to me because your performance is a joke. You aren't making the company money, you're costing us money to keep you on the payroll. You've got ten minutes to clear out your desk before your replacement gets to claim anything you leave behind.

<The smile drops from JBL's face as he utters his next words.>

JBL: You're Fi-terminated.

<David Jameson's face turns white as a ghost before it starts to flush red. His fists ball at his sides before he sweeps an arm across the table, sending a conference calling unit into the wall. Stuffed suits scramble from their seats, calling for security as JBL calmly rises from his chair.>

DJ: You MONSTER! How can you do this to me?! I just told you I have two newborns!

<JBL just laughs. David's face flushes with rage and he rushes forward, intent on punching the CEO of Layfield Energy's lights out. JBL steps forward, leveling the salaryman with a Clothesline from Hell. Security rushes into the room as Jameson's limp, unconscious body falls flat on its back.>

JBL: Get this piece of garbage out of my building.

<The security guards drag Jameson out of the room as the camera comes around to center and focus on JBL as he looks straight into it.>

JBL: Dilbert, you're just like Jameson over there. You work in a job that you hate, a job that just barely pays the bills, because you haven't figured out the things that I have. I wrote a book for people like you, Have More Money Now, and you can't be bothered to read it. Instead, you threaten cameramen, beat up potted plants, and make an ass of yourself in JBL's ring. You've managed to beat 1 man by yourself, Ted DiBiase Jr., and then you went and attacked a color commentator. I took out your buddy Gavin Payne last week, I put him down so hard he needed to be taken out of the arena in a stretcher! Do you really believe that you have a chance against a Great American like JBL? I am a Wrestling God, and you're just a ham-and-egger!

<JBL glances to his side as the stuffed suits retake their positions around the table. He turns back to the camera with his trademark smile.>

JBL: Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to make more money in ten minutes than you've made all year. Have fun at the office, because you're going to get laid out in my ring!

<Fade to black.>

Archives / JBL, Week 3: Money v. the Law
« on: April 11, 2010, 05:06:20 PM »
<Jeremy Borash is walking past Trish Stratus' office with a cameraman, heading toward JBL's locker room.>

JB: We're going to try and get a few words from John "Bradshaw" Layfield about his match with Gavin Payne this week...

<From behind the camera, Trish's door bursts open. The camera wheels around to show JBL storming out of the office, his hat held in a death-grip in his right hand. His face is twisted in a grimace of anger and concern.>

JBL: JESUS H. CHRIST! Don't you cameramen learn not to stand right in front of people's doors?!

JB: Mr. Layfield, we were just heading to your locker room, do you have a few words for the CWA fans about your match with Gavin Payne?

<JBL looks even more exasperated at the mention of Payne's name.>

JBL: A few words?! Jimmy, I've just been spending the last ten minutes trying to figure out how in the Blue Hell Trish could hire a bloodsucking lawyer to be a wrestler!

JB: So it bothers you that Gavin Payne is a prosecuting attorney?

JBL: Jimmy, have you ever BEEN in a courtroom? Hell, boy, you're barely old enough to have jury duty! Prosecutors enjoy tearing apart people like me, they all have a chip on their shoulder against corporations!

JB: Um, Mr. Layfield, I don't think prosecutors work quite like that...

JBL: How the hell would you know? Now I have to figure out how I'm gonna pin this guy without getting sued! The legal fees alone would tear up my paycheck from this week.

JB: Do you have any words for Gavin Payne, Mr. Layfield?

JBL: Gavin Payne, even though you're a bloodsucker and one of the scariest things on this whole damn planet, I am still a Great American. I've got a team of lawyers in my locker room, we're going to go over every single legal document in the damn building and figure out a way to win this. Payne, I'm gonna send you back to the courtroom, where you can get your feeding frenzy in without coming into MY ring and using all of your cheap legal tricks. Rest assured, Mr. Prosecutor, my guys are the best because I PAY them to be the best, and they're gonna get me out of this.

JB: Bradshaw, I'm sure it's not as bad as you think it is...

<JBL shoves Jeremy out of the way as he storms off toward the locker room.>

JBL: I don't pay you to think, Jimmy!

Archives / JBL, Week 2
« on: March 29, 2010, 04:58:27 AM »
<Jeremy Borash, fresh from being shooed from his spot by Christopher Nowinski, spots a limousine pulling up to the arena, decorated with a huge pair of longhorns on the hood. He waves a camera down, grabbing a mic from his inside jacket pocket.>

JB: Folks, this is Jeremy Borash, standing outside the arena and I think I've got John Bradshaw Layfield here, fresh off of his first-round loss to the current CWA champ, CM Punk...

<The limousine door opens, and out comes JBL wearing his ten gallon hat and a well-cut gray suit.>

JB: Mr. Layfield, can you tell the CWA fans what happened last week? You had all the momentum until Steven Richards interfered with your finisher and then the match seemed to go straight downhill for you...

<JBL shakes his head and reaches for the microphone, pulling it closer to his mouth so he doesn't have to stoop down.>

JBL: Jimmy, what happened last week was one thing, pure and simple: ring rust. I had Punk beat, I beat him up and down the mat. Punk knows it, I know it. Stevie Richards might have let him land a few
elbow strikes, but what actually happened, when I had him in the middle of the ring...

<JBL rolls his right arm, the very arm that had come within seconds from taking Punk's head off in their match.>

JBL: ...mere seconds from knocking the fear of God almighty back into him, I hesitated. I didn't swing fast enough, and Punk saw it coming just in time to knock me with that kneepad of his. I don't know what kind of fly-by-night referees Trish Stratus is hiring, I swear that thing was weighted.

<Borash looks terribly confused.>

JB: Weighted? You mean like he loaded his kneepad with a chunk of steel or something?

JBL: Of course that's what I mean! A great American like JBL doesn't go down for a 1-2-3 from a plain ol' ordinary knee to the head! Hell, I kicked out of hits from the Big Show that would smash down half of this arena! The so-called champion might have the week off, but not only do I demand a rematch, I also demand that the referees ensure that Punk's ring attire is free of any foreign objects.

JB: Come on, JBL, I've never heard of anybody hiding a weight in their kneepad before.

JBL: Have you seen how many places William Regal can hide a pair of brass knuckles? You don't want to know some of 'em, believe me. After seeing half of 'em, hiding a plate in your kneepad is child's play! Even you could figure it out!

<JBL turns to look straight into the camera, removing his hat and placing it on the hood of the limo.>

JBL: Punk, I gotta give you credit for one thing: you were a good warm-up. Thanks to you, my ring rust is pretty much gone. You and I are going to meet in that ring out there again, and when we do, I, JBL, will walk out of the building with that title belt around my waist. That is JBL's Manifest Destiny. Whenever you turn a corner, you had better send your lackey Stevie to look for me first. Whenever you hear a knock on your locker room door, you had better send Nick Brolic to see who it is. I will not rest until my rightful place at the top of the heap is purged of low-life scum like you. You're just like all of these people, you choose a path in life that sets you up for failure. Unlike me, you choose to be nothing more than a grunt, a laborer, while I, JBL, take my place as a Wrestling GOD. You wrestle to eat, I wrestle to LIVE.

<JBL puts his hat back on as Borash finally pulls the mic back down to ask another question.>

JB: So tonight, you're up against Christopher Daniels and AJ Styles. Are you concerned at all that they might renew their friendship and decide to take you out of the match and make it into a one-on-one contest?

<JBL looks at Borash as if he was speaking Farsi.>

JBL: Let me ask you a simple question, Jimmy, something you can even figure out. How long was AJ Simmons a WWE champion? How many Wrestlemanias has Daniel Christopher headlined?

JB: That's AJ Styles and Christopher Daniels, and none, but AJ has held every title in TNA and Daniels is pretty well-decorated as well...

JBL: Anybody can be champion of tits and asses, Jimmy, but you have to compete on a higher level in World Wrestling Entertainment. Chris Jericho knows this, even CM Punk knows this. Those two boobs in the ring haven't even seen anything like the level of competition that JBL brings to the ring. Besides, didn't David Arquette hold the belt in that sideshow for a while?

JB: No, JBL, that was WCW.

JBL: You mean they're not the same thing? Damned if I know from the guys running it these days...anyway, I have to go see Stratus to make sure that Punk doesn't screw me in our rematch.

<JBL puts his hat back on and starts to walk toward the building before Borash walks after him.>

JB: Wait, JBL, don't you have to worry about the outcome of your match with AJ and Daniels tonight before you deal with that?

<JBL stops, looking back to the camera.>

JBL: No, and neither do you.

<JBL smiles his trademark evil grin before he walks off and the camera fades to black.>

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