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Topics - dilbert505

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Professional Wrestling Discussion / Howard Finkel, 1950-2020
« on: April 16, 2020, 09:18:13 AM »
The voice of my childhood has gone silent. Requiescat in pace, Fink.

Rules Forum / Submission Wrestling Specialist Replacement Effect
« on: March 05, 2019, 04:14:53 PM »
Submission Wrestling Specialist
Pre-match Event
Cannot be blanked.
At the end of the Pre-match phase, search your Arsenal for 1 non-Unique Submission without 'reverse' in the text, reveal it, put it in your hand, and shuffle.
When you would play a printed F: 0 Submission for Panic Grab, you may play a non-unique printed F: 0 maneuver instead, but you cannot put I Have 'til FIVE! into your Ring this turn.
F: 0     D: 0     Unique     Permanent

Panic Grab
Mid-Match Submission

Can only be played when your Fortitude Rating is less than your opponent’s Fortitude Rating. Can only be played with a printed F:0 Submission maneuver of printed 4D or less from your hand. He cannot play the card titled Over Sell Maneuver immediately after you play these cards.
Unless both maneuvers are reversed when played, both are considered successfully played and both go into your Ring area. Unless both cards are reversed, your turn continues.

¶ (Restricted Modification Symbol)
F: 0      D: 3


How much replacing does the replacement effect on SWS do? There are three possible ways I can see to read this card, and I'm not positive I can tell which one is correct.

1) You may replace "a printed F:0 Submission" with "a non-unique printed F:0 maneuver." The non-unique must be 4D-, and played from hand. - If the replacement effect is only able to replace the specific part reiterated on SWS, this would be the correct answer.

2) You may replace "a printed F:0 Submission of printed 4D-" with "a non-unique printed F:0 maneuver." The non unique must be played from hand. - If the replacement effect can replace the card referenced, and all of the criteria inherent to the card, but not other play restrictions, this would be the correct answer.

3) You may replace "a printed F:0 Submission of printed 4D- played from your hand" with "a non-unique printed F:0 maneuver." The non-unique may be played from any zone. - If the replacement effect replaces every characteristic of the card specified on Panic Grab with the criteria listed on SWS, this would be the correct answer.

Which is the appropriate reading? I'm hoping it's 3, but 1 seems equally plausible to me. (2 seems possible, but not as likely as the other two; I suspect it's either "replace everything" or "replace just this specific thing.")

Rules Forum / KMA Club vs. New Nexus
« on: February 28, 2018, 06:09:35 PM »
Vince McMahon’s "Kiss My A$%" Club     (Vince McMahon logo)
Pre-match Event
This card cannot be blanked.
Your opponent’s Managed by Eric Bischoff is blank.
At the end of the Pre-match phase, he may randomly discard 2 cards; if he does, draw up to 2 cards or put 1 card from your Ringside into your hand. If he does not, before each of your Draw Segments, he overturns 1 card.
Your Zero Tolerance: Kiss My Magnificent A%$ cards cannot be reversed by Elbow to the Face.
F: 0     D: 0     Unique

Initiation into New Nexus
Backstage Card
Cannot be packed when packing I'm Gonna Break You.
Remove any number of Backlash cards from the game.  If you removed at least 3 cards from the game, you may increase your Starting Hand Size by +4.  If you removed at least 6 cards, you start the game. If you removed at least 9 cards, his effects that would make you discard cards are reduced to 1. If you removed at least 12 cards, he cannot respond to your first printed F:0 D:6- maneuver played of the game, and after its damage is applied, end your turn.
Unique     RMS logo

Bolding the relevant parts of the cards.

So, in a game last night, I ran into this situation. I was New Nexus, had removed 12 to Initiation, and he had out KMA Club. I wanted to randomly discard cards to avoid the burn, but Initiation reduces his effects that would make me discard to 1.

I saw two possible ways this could play out, and was unsure which was the intended result.

1) Initiation reduces the random discard of 2 on KMA Club to a random discard of 1, satisfying the cost and allowing me to avoid the burn.
2) KMA Club requires a discard of 2, but Initiation mandates a maximum discard of 1. Since 2 cards cannot be discarded, I cannot complete the effect, and have to burn every turn.

To get through the match, my opponent and I agreed that we would play as though the first option is correct, but I'd like to be sure we interpreted the ruling correctly in case I run into something similar in the future.

Classic Raw Deal / Superstar Spotlight Index
« on: December 19, 2017, 11:59:57 PM »
So, with Rated SRH bringing the Superstar Spotlight back, I decided to do something that I've wanted to see for a while now. I've created an index of all the previously posted Superstar Spotlights, and am going to dump them in this thread so that anyone who wants to find ones that have already been done will have an easy way of doing so. This may also save some time with people possibly suggesting duplicates, if they aren't aware of a prior one. So, here goes, and let's see if I formatted this monster correctly.

CLASSIC (A-M)                              
   3MB      Daniel Bryan      Jeff Hardy   
   3 Minute Warning      Darren Young      Jeff Jarrett   
   A.J. Lee      David Otunga      JeriShow   
   A.J. Styles      DDP      Jerry Lawler   
   Al Snow      Deadman Inc      Jinder Mahal   
   Alberto Del Rio      Dean Ambrose      John Cena   
   Andre the Giant      Dean Malenko      John Morrison   
   APA      Demolition      Johnny   
   Arn Anderson      Diesel      Johnny Nitro   
   A-Train      Doink      Junkyard Dog   
   B.A. Billy Gunn      Dolph Ziggler      Justin Gabriel   
   Babe of the Year      Drew McIntyre      Kaientai   
   Bam Bam Bigelow      Dude Love      Kane   
   Batista      Dudley Boyz      Ken Kennedy   
   Bayley      Dusty Rhodes      Ken Shamrock   
   Becky Lynch      D-Von Dudley      Kenny   
   Beth Phoenix      Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson      Kevin Nash   
   Big Boss Man      DX      Kevin Owens   
   Big E      Eddie Guerrero      Kofi Kingston   
   Big Freak'n Machine      Edge      Kurt Angle   
   Big Poppa Pump      Edge & Christian      Lance Storm   
   Big Show      Eric Bischoff      Lashley   
   Billy & Chuck      Erick Rowan      Latino Cheat   
   Bobby Heenan      Eugene      Lay-Cool   
   Booker T      Evan Bourne      Leader of the Edge Army   
   Braun Strowman      Eve      Leader of the Peepulation   
   Bray Wyatt      Evolution      Legion of Doom   
   Bret "The Hitman" Hart      Ezekiel Jackson      Lex Luger   
   Brie Bella      Fandango      Lita   
   Brie Bella TB      FBI      Los Guerreros   
   British Bulldog      Festus      Luke Harper   
   Brock Lesnar      Finlay      Macho Man Randy Savage   
   Brodus Clay      Funaki      Mae Young   
   Brothers of Destruction      Gail Kim      Mankind   
   Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake      Gail Kim & Molly Holly      Mark Henry   
   Buh-Buh Ray Dudley      Gallows & Anderson      Maryse   
   bWo TB      Gene Snitsky      Matt Hardy   
   Cactus Jack      Goldberg      Melina   
   Carlito      Goldust      Mexicools   
   Carlito & Primo Colon      Hacksaw Jim Duggan      Michael Cole   
   Cesaro      Hall & Nash      Michael Tarver   
   Charlotte      Hardy Boyz      Mick Foley   
   Chavo Guerrero      Harlem Heat      Mickie James   
   Chris Benoit      Hart Foundation      Mikey   
   Chris Jericho      Heath Slater      Mitch   
   Chris Masters      Heidenreich      Miz & Morrison   
   Christian      Hollywood Hulk Hogan      MNM   
   Christy      Honky Tonk Man      Molly Holly   
   Chyna      Hurricane      Money Inc.   
   Chyna Doll      Irwin R. Schyster      Moolah   
   CM Punk      Jack Swagger      Mr. Pay-Per-View   
   Cody Rhodes      Jake the Snake      Mr. Perfect   
   Cryme Tyme      Jamie Noble      Muhammad Hassan   
   Damian Sandow      JBL      MVP   

Fantasy Cards / The Snake
« on: March 02, 2017, 02:53:51 AM »
So, I'm a huge Jake the Snake fan, and I had an idea for an ability that feels like it'd be perfect for him. Then I made a couple other cards to go with it, to make him a proper promo superstar. They're probably too strong, but what the heck.


The Snake
SHS: 9
SSV: 4
Legend SSA: On your opponent's turn, when he plays a card, you may name hand, Backlash, Ring, Ringside, or Arsenal. Your D:3- reversals are considered to be played from the chosen zone.
You may pack Arsenal cards with the Jake the Snake logo.

Pre-Match Object
Before any Draw Segment, when your opponent's Fortitude is 10+ greater than yours, you may search your Arsenal and Ringside for Snap DDT, put it in your Ring, and shuffle. If you do, remove this card from the game.
When this card is removed from the game, your non-Throwback "DDT" is also Reversal: Superstar-specific Card, and when played as a reversal, your opponent shuffles 4 cards from his Ringside into his Arsenal.

Master of Psychology
Pre-Match Feud
When packing this card, your "Old School Psychology" is not Face. Your cards with "Psychology" in the title do not take up slots in your Ring.
When you have only 1 card with "Ring Psychology" in the title in your Ring, replace the word "arm," "back," or "neck" on that card with "DDT."

Fantasy Cards / The Perfect 10, Tye Dillinger
« on: February 18, 2017, 11:20:35 AM »
Finally, I found a superstar for an ability idea I've been kicking around for a decade now.


Tye Dillinger
Starting Hand Size: 1
Superstar Value: 0
Superstar Ability: Your Fortitude Rating is 10. The Fortitude cost of your cards cannot be modified, except by their own text.

The Numbers Don't Lie
Backstage Card
At the end of the Pre-match phase, your opponent reveals 10 cards at random from his hand. Choose any number of them, he shuffles them into his Arsenal, then draws the same number of cards.
His cards of printed F: 10 are +5F, and his cards of printed D:10 are -5D.

The Perfect 10
Pre-Match Storyline
Cannot be blanked. After all players' Pre-Match phases, draw # cards, where # is equal to the number of Pre-Match events in your opponent's Ring. You may draw 1 additional card for each D:1+ Pre-Match event in your opponent's ring. If you have more than 10 cards in your hand, randomly shuffle cards from your hand into your Arsenal until you have 10.

Ten! Ten! Ten! Ten! Ten! Ten! Ten! Ten! Ten! Ten!
Mid-Match Strike: Chain
Can only be played after a successfully played maneuver, as a Counter, or after Throw Into the Corner Turnbuckle.
If this card is reversed from your opponent's Arsenal, he overturns # cards, where # is equal to 10 minus the number of cards in his Ringside.
F: 10 D: 10

Tye Breaker
Trademark Finisher
Can only be played when the total Damage in your Ring is 35+.
Your opponent must remove 10 cards from his hand, Backlash, Ring, or Ringside to play reversals to this card.
F: 10 D: 20

Tye's Perfect 10 Facebreaker
Can only be played when the total Damage in your Ring is 25+.
You may search your Arsenal for 10 cards and remove them from the game. If you do, shuffle up to 10 cards from your Ringside into your Arsenal.
When this card is in your ring, non-Unique cards cannot move cards removed from the game.
F: 10: D: 10

Tye's Running DVD
Can only be played when the total Damage in your Ring is 15+.
Look at your opponent's hand and Backlash deck. He discards all cards of F: 10+ or D: 10+.
F: 10 D: 15

Sign of the Times
When there are 10 cards in your Ring Area, your opponent cannot respond to this card.
Shuffle your hand into your Arsenal and draw 10 cards. Your opponent shuffles his hand into his Arsenal and draws 5 cards. Remove all cards in both Ringsides from the game.
F: 10 D: 0

Can only be played when the total Damage in your Ring is 10+, and after a successfully played maneuver of D:3+.
Choose one: either put a Pre-Match card with an Activated Card Effect from your Ringside or removed from the game into the ring, put a Mid-Match card from your Ring into your Backlash, or put a card of F: 10 from your Ringside into your hand.
F: 10 D: 0

The Dillinger Escape Plan
Reversal: Special
Completely reverse any non-Superstar-Specific card. If the reversed card is printed F: 10 or printed D: 10, shuffle 10 cards from your Ringside into your Arsenal.
F: 10 D: 0

Classic Raw Deal / Strategy Question: Opponent's Arsenal Manipulation
« on: September 14, 2016, 09:23:19 PM »
So, I'm thinking of building a Parts Unknown Warrior deck. I really want to take maximum advantage of Punch TB, but to do that, I need to make sure that none of the top 6 cards in my opponent's arsenal can reverse me at low F. (0, 3, whatever they might have.) Basically, I'm at risk to Divine, IGSOoP, Hold the Phone, Revo, and a handful of other things on overturn.

Unfortunately, I'm just this side of out of ideas for how to go about doing this. Is there something really obvious I'm missing that would let me limit the odds of hitting a reversal on the overturn?

It's Spring Cleaning for the WWE, and the cuts are coming fast and furious. Two severe losses, too, in my estimation.

Wade Barrett
Damien Sandow
Santino Marella
El Torito
Zeb Colter
Alex Riley

All join the ranks of the fallen. Sad to see Barrett and Sandow go; I'm still awaiting the news of Ryback and Adam Rose joining them, which I fully expect.

Virtual Deck Reviews / Steiner Bros
« on: April 14, 2016, 10:38:46 PM »
So, I've never built the Steiner Brothers before, because I am a dumb and didn't realize until yesterday that the maneuvers they can pack are a subset of the B2B/No Escape package. Don't know why, just being dumb.

Anyway, now that I leapfrogged that mental hurdle, I realized "hey, these guys look like fun." However, fun doesn't necessarily mean I know how to construct a good deck with them. So, I appeal to the masses for the clue I so desperately lack.

Here's what I've constructed; what am I missing?

Backstage:  Steiner Brothers
1   Backstage Autograph Session
1   Backstage Signature
1   Raw Deal Tenth Anniversary
1   WWE Raw Deal Fifth Anniversary
1   WWE Signing Appearance

1   Really, That's Enough Shenanigans
1   Celebrity Shenanigans
1   Defeating Villainous Shenanigans
1   Enough Shenanigans!
1   No More Shenanigans
1   Old School Shenanigans

1 Best There Is, Best There Was
1 'Cause Adam Crites Said So

The usual routine so far: Sig/Sign/Session, 5th/10th, and the Shenanigans Six. Crites cards, unrevealed, to boost recovery from One Thing. Then, for spice, their maneuver base:

1   The Frankensteiner
2   Arm Drag
2   Arm Bar Takedown
2   Atomic Drop
2   Belly to Back Suplex
2   Belly to Belly Suplex
2   Body Slam
2   Drop Toe Hold
2   Hip Toss
2   Press Slam
2   Russian Leg Sweep
2   Snap Mare
2   Vertical Suplex


1   nWo T-Shirt (tb)
1   University of Michigan
1   There Is No Escape
1   No Disqualification Match (tb)
1   Managed by Eric Bischoff (tb)
1   Halloween Havoc
1   Survey Time! Who's Here to See The n...W...o...?
1   Zack Ryder: Guest Ringside Announcer
1   Lethal nWo Poison
1   The Dogfaced Gremlin
1   Backstage Shenanigans
1   For the Love of The Game

Thought process here: NWO Shirt reduces Run-ins by 3F. No DQ takes them down a further 3. Michigan and Gremlin are obvious. No Escape seemed an easier build than B2B here, so I went with it. Managed by Eric is there for the hand size boost, though I threw in the Backed by Eric to take advantage of the other part. Survey time and Lethal poison are free, so why not? Havoc is there for the heck of it, and Zack Ryder's there to let me clear my hand of the inevitable opening draw Divine. Shenanigans and Love of the Game can swap in for the True One Day Champion Story as needed; there's only room to play 10 cards, so that last slot's the one that rotates.

1   The Steinerline
1   Tandem Bulldog Finish
2   Panic Assault
1 Your Reach Exceeds Your Grasp
1 Dirty Low Blow (TB)

1   You're as Graceful as a Cow on Ice
1   Restricted Use in This Area
1   The King Interferes!
1   This Is Going to be an Old School Brawl!
1   nWo Reinforcements Have Arrived!
1   Outside Interference
1   WWE Divas: The Next Generation
1   Classic Teamwork

Mid-match is mostly normal. The maneuvers are free slots, so is Reinforcements. King plays at 4, Outside at 5, Reinforcements at 9. Divas TNG is there as a backup win condition, since I'm getting all my run-ins at -6, so I can win as early as 8F if I'm stupidly lucky.

1   Michigan Pride
1   Beware of Dog
1   Steinerized!
1   nWo Comes to Ringside
1   The Horsemen Have My Back
3   Candice: Internet Icon
1   Eve: Dirty Dancer
1   Kristal: Broadcast Beauty
1   Ashley: Pretty Punk

1 Mickie: Fervent Fanatic
1 Jillian: Foxy Fixer
1 Sharmell: Sizzling Spouse

1   Lilian: Amazing Announcer
1   Maria: Ideal Interviewer
1   Melina: Naughty Manager
1   Christy: Curvy Cutie
1   Shocking Interference
2   Volley This!
1   Don't be a Douchebag!
2   Don't Try This at Home
1   Total Teamwork
3   A Revolution of the Mind
1   Carlito Says "That's Not Cool!"
1   Divine Intervention
2   Elbow to the Face
3   Get the "F" Out! (tb)
3   Hold the Phone!
1   I've Got One Thing To Say About That!
3   Manager Interferes
1   One!
1   The Raw Deal Revolution
1   You Missed Your Chance
1   You're a Jive Soul Bro!
3      Backed by Eric Bischoff

Viability Check #1: no maneuvers of any sort. Viability Check #2: plenty of Divas to enable Win Condition 2, plus they're a good amount of recovery if I get beaten on early. All the basics are here in pretty much standard quantities, with extra Hold the Phone because no Sidewalk Slam for me. Also, the only hybrid non-Specific reversals that reverse maneuvers are DBag, which ignores No Escape, and Shocking Interference, which still has utility even with No Escape modifying my opponent's maneuvers. That's Viability Check #3.

So, the big question: what have I biffed? I don't have a copy of Armageddon, IIRC, which is why that's not here.

Professional Wrestling Discussion / TLC Predictions Thread
« on: December 13, 2015, 02:39:37 PM »
Well, nobody else jumped on this, so I guess I might as well. Who's everyone got in tonight's PPV?

Le card:
TLC Match for the WWE World Heavyweight Title
Roman Reigns vs. Sheamus

WWE Intercontinental Title Match
Dean Ambrose vs. Kevin Owens

Ladder Match Triple Threat for the WWE Tag Team Titles
The Usos vs. The Lucha Dragons vs. The New Day

WWE Divas Title Match
Paige vs. Charlotte with Ric Flair

Chairs Match for the WWE United States Title
Jack Swagger vs. Alberto Del Rio

Tag Team Tables Elimination Match
Bray Wyatt, Braun Strowman, Luke Harper and Erick Rowan vs. Tommy Dreamer, Rhyno and The Dudley Boyz

Ryback vs. Rusev


My take:

TLC Match for the WWE World Heavyweight Title
Roman Reigns vs. Sheamus - Can I just vote for a meteor to hit the ring and take them both out? Reigns winning the title this soon after Survivor Series makes no damn sense, so I have to give the edge to Mr. Lucky Charms in the Bank.

WWE Intercontinental Title Match
Dean Ambrose vs. Kevin Owens - And here we have the WWE World Heavyweight Title match we would have had in the alternate universe where there is a just and loving God. I want both men to come out of this looking like absolute monsters, but with Sheamus retaining the big belt, your winner should be Dean Ambrose... but by disqualification, so that Owens retains his belt and his heat.

Ladder Match Triple Threat for the WWE Tag Team Titles
The Usos vs. The Lucha Dragons vs. The New Day - Can this one just be a battle of the crowd reactions? US-O vs. LU-CHA vs. NEW... DAY ROCKS? This is, no doubt in my mind, going to be the second best match on the card. I have to give the edge to The New Day here, both because they're one of the most enjoyable stables I've seen in years and because they are drawing by far the best crowd reactions.

WWE Divas Title Match
Paige vs. Charlotte with Ric Flair

Well, if you're going to have a bathroom break... do it with Flair. Charlotte wins, bladders drain, Nature Boy drops an elbow on his coat.

Chairs Match for the WWE United States Title
Jack Swagger vs. Alberto Del Rio


Tag Team Tables Elimination Match
Bray Wyatt, Braun Strowman, Luke Harper and Erick Rowan vs. Tommy Dreamer, Rhyno and The Dudley Boyz

Please, again, let's go to the alternate "Just and loving God" universe, and give the Wyatts a desperately needed win. PLEASE. The Wyatt Family. Survivors: Bray Wyatt, Erick Rowan

Ryback vs. Rusev

This is a thing? *flips coin* Ryback.

Supershow Fantasy / Random Character Idea: Gavin Payne
« on: September 06, 2015, 10:19:10 PM »
Just had a random idea for a gimmick. Decided to make a cardset around it, but I have no idea who to give the gimmick to. I'll use an old character of mine from the wrestling RP fed we had on here, with some image ideas in case you want him for the LFF, but if anyone has a better fit for the gimmick, go for it.

Gavin Payne
POW: 7
TEC: 10
AGI: 5
STR: 8
GRP: 6
SUB: 9

GIMMICK: Once per game, bury your hand: all other players bury their hands, then all players draw 3 cards. (The thought process here was that once per game, he gets to balance the scales by forcing everyone back to the start of the game. Of course, depending on when you use it, its not so much a balance...  ;D)

Objection (Gavin catches an opponent's punch with his hand, and responds with a straight punch to their shoulder while still immobilizing their arm)

Discard up to 2 cards: your SKILLS are +1 for each card discarded.

The Verdict (Military Press into an F-5)

You may re-roll your FINISH roll. If you do, you must take the second result.

The Scales of Justice (Bow and Arrow hold, preferably with the knees in the spine instead of the shins)

Your opponent discards 2 cards before every BREAKOUT roll.

Just for completion's sake, a bio and physical description:

Name: Gavin Payne
Age: 23
Height: 6'0"
Weight: 245 lbs.
Hometown: Los Angeles, CA

Gimmick: A wrestling prosecutor, obsessed with perfection, in the ring, the court, and his daily life. Everything about him is precise, pristine, and professional, but he has some difficulty with bombastic, effusive personalities. Despite being a bit of a stick in the mud, is genuinely a good person, underneath it all.
Appearance: Slate gray hair, cropped close, usually wearing a freshly-pressed three-piece suit out of the ring. When wrestling, removes the jacket and vest.
Biography: Payne was raised to believe in the cleansing power of justice from birth. His father was an attorney, and young Gavin watched many a case from the gallery. It was then that he decided to follow in his father's footsteps, and uphold the law himself. Dedicating himself to this goal, he cut out everything in his life that didn't propel him towards the courts. He skipped a few years early in his schooling, and entered law school at the age of 19, passing the bar at 21. After a few early cases, he came to realize that for all his training, he could never bring every criminal to justice. Some people never entered the courts, but were surely in need of correction, for the good of society. At this point, he applied himself to achieving physical perfection, to bring justice to those he could not reach as a prosecutor... starting with the CWA LFF  :P.

Rules Forum / Pre-Match Cards Played During Your Turn
« on: August 05, 2014, 09:15:34 AM »
This may be a self-evident question, but I figure it's worth asking.

When Back to Basics is in your Ring, does it interfere with cards that otherwise let you play Pre-Match cards during your turn? The two examples I'm thinking of here are Always Bet on Black and Bourne to Fly.

I presume that B2B prevents me from playing cards without Old School in the title under the conditions of ABOB, since it doesn't explicitly restrict its text to the Pre-Match phase. B2F probably is restricted the same way, because it doesn't say anything about cards or card effects not restricting me from playing it, and IIRC the Superstar logo only gets around pack restrictions, rather than play restrictions.

Is this correct, or is there a window here I'm not seeing?

#587/643 Back to Basics (D) (RUMBLE PACK FOIL)
Pre-match Feud
You can only play Pre-match cards with the words "old school" in the title.
*Irrelevant to the question*
� (Restricted Modification Symbol)
F: 0      D: 0

Always Bet on Black     (Theodore Long logo)
Backstage Card
When packing this card, your Starting Hand Size is +5 and you can pack up to 7 additional Pre-match cards, but you cannot pack Enforcers or I'm Gonna Break You.
Once during each of your turns, you may play a non-Set-up non-hybrid non-Unique non-Active Pre-match Event, and ignore the 'At the end of the Pre-match phase' text on it.
Unique     RMS logo

Bourne to Fly
Pre-match Event
Can be played during your turn.
Your High Risk maneuvers are -5F, and your Hurricanrana can only be reversed by Unique reversals when you do not have a card with that title in your Ring.
Your Spinning Heel Kick can be played as a reversal to a non-Superstar specific non-Unique hybrid maneuver when you do not have a card with that title in your Ring.
F: 0     D: 0     Unique

Online Play / Lackey Image Issue
« on: April 15, 2014, 05:43:56 PM »
Quick question about Lackey. I tried downloading the most recent plugin today (first tried with the auto update, then downloaded and overwrote manually), in an attempt to add V6 and VSS to my program. The cards added just fine... but for whatever reason, the card images for V6 and VSS won't load. The VSS cards are showing their previous images, and the V6 cards are just showing text. I've tried closing and reopening, I've tried checking to see if the files are there, I checked cardlist.txt to make sure the links are correct, but no matter what, nothing's showing up.

Does anyone know what might be wrong, and what I might do to correct this?

Sports Discussion / MLB Hall of Fame 2014
« on: December 09, 2013, 08:56:38 AM »
Well, guess it's time to start this conversation.

The Hall of Fame Veterans Committee (Expansion Era, this year) has voted, and we have three new unanimous Hall of Famers: Joe Torre, Tony La Russa, and Bobby Cox. None of the other contenders received more than six votes of the 12 required (and 16 possible) for election. Apparently George Steinbrenner received the six.

IMO, all three are completely deserving of the unanimous nod, and I'm pleased to see them all in the Hall (even if one's a Brave and another's a damn Yankee.)

Professional Wrestling Discussion / RIP Paul Bearer
« on: March 05, 2013, 09:43:43 PM »

I'm not the first to say it by any means, but if there's any chance of it, Vince McMahon needs to induct Paul Bearer into the Hall of Fame. I know they're probably waiting to induct him with the Undertaker and possibly Kane in the same year, but it would be nice to see him in there now.

This is a running list of all questions used in the TCO Dungeon of Doom.


1. If you could pick one wrestler to endorse a particular product, who would you pick, and what would they endorse?

2. There hasn't been a stable of no-name wrestlers around since both The Corre and Nexus split. That being said, the next time a group of jobbers bands together to cause havoc, what name would you christen them with?

3. The Osirian Portal won a match with The Runaways in a CZW Tag Team tournament by using hypnosis and having The Runaways (and the rest of the locker room) dance to "Rapper's Delight". If this situation could be recreated in any fed, which wrestler would compel the locker room to dance, and what song would everyone be getting down to?


1) Pick a wrestler and dream up a Ben & Jerry's flavor based on that wrestler. Give it a name, tell us what's in it.

2) CZW needs a new specialty match to drum up gate sales. Dream up something innovative that will help them break the $100 gate mark without killing the audience. (They keep getting so close to that $100 mark too!) Make sure to include who would be participating in the match (from any fed, because I don't expect anybody to watch CZW to figure out who their talent is).

3) TNA recently debuted its "open fight night" concept, where new talent can come in and challenge current talent for a spot on the roster. However, this is coming from Hulk Hogan. So, figure out which of his WCW buddies are going to crash TNA next and who they are going to go over. Describe the finish, as well. (Ed Leslie is off-limits. Way too obvious.)


question 1:As I was watching Are You Serious,a web WWE series about bad moments in WWE.
It got me to thinking about Bad Gimmicks such as Power Cat and Phantasmo. If you could repackage any Main event/mid card talent into a Bad gimmick who would it be what would they be called and what would their finisher be?

Question 2:if you could have a dream date with a female wrestler past or present where would you go and how would it turn out?

Question3:  If you could make an impassioned plea to the major wrestling companies about one topic in the hopes that they would take your advice. What would be the topic and who would be listening.  


1. People want to see the most talented, interesting, charismatic wrestlers holding the title. However, bookers aren't people; they have no interest in that at all. Vince McMahon keeps giving the WWE Title to big, lumbering oafs, Eric Bischoff wanted people who made him personally look cool as WCW Champion, Vince Russo... well, the less said about David Arquette, the better, and Jerry Jarrett's preferred champion was, naturally, his son.

I'm disqualifying you from the human race, effective immediately: You're now the booker for any federation you wish. What annoying, unpopular superstar are you putting the strap on, without any semblance of logic, and why in God's name do you want them holding the title?

2. You're standing in front of a massive buffet table. On the other side of you: Bastion Booger. How do you save yourself from being consumed?

3. Ah, WWE, the land of missed opportunities. They make a ton of money, but so much is left on the table by their constant turning of gold into crap. Your mission, should you choose to accept it*: take any angle in WWE history and fix it. What went wrong, and how do you stop it?

* Note: You actually don't get to choose.


Q) Radiohead's The Bends - Great Radiohead Album, or Greatest Radiohead Album? Why?

Q) With Cena being fired for losing the match At over the limit. It got me thinking about the massive amount of Future Endeavored superstars over the years. If you could take back one firing from the WWE who would it be and why.

Q) It's Final Jeopardy on Celebrity Jeopardy.  The answer is Where Are You?  Who are the wrestlers present and what are their answers.

Q) There has been some speculation that with Jericho, Punk, Bryan, Ziggler, and a number of the other Wrestlers currently on the WWE Roster, that the recent WWE PPV's have offered some of the strongest and finest wrestling consistently PPV to PPV.

When was the last time any wrestling organization consistently offered this level of quality wrestling through their PPV, and in your mind, what was the best era for "pure" wrestling on PPV?


1.) The Repo man shows up at your house and tells you he's repossessing your car. Now even though you didnt default on any payments, and even though the Repo Man's outfit is flat out rediculous, he's a smooth talker who can worm his way into or out of any situation. Bottom line: right or wrong, he's taking your car unless you figure out a way to stop him. How do you do it?

2.) Its the end of August, 1996. Youre Eric Bischoff. You recently signed Scott Hall and Kevin Nash away from the WWF, and brought your brillant idea of the NWO to life. Its been about 4 months annnnnnnd......the idea tanked. Big time. Youre still well behind the WWF in terms of rating and popluarity, and Ted Turner is starting to get angry. Staying true to the staff WCW had at the time, what is your next big idea to try and top the WWF, who's involved, and why?

3.) Kevin Nash, The Ultimate Warrior, Ric Flair, and The Rock are all being honored at a random "Famous Wrestlers" event in Los Angeles, California. Unfortunatley, at this time, they are all located in New York City. So they decide to carpool. Who drives the car, why, and how fast do they get from NYC to LA?


1. Bob Backlund is on Password. The word that he is trying to get his partner to guess is "trophy". Assuming that his partner never guesses the word correctly, what are the three clues that Mr. Backlund gives?

2. Pretend that Mr. Excitement lost his match to John Cena and the GM spot is open. Who would be the best and worst choices for the spot? The only rule is that you're not allowed to use anyone who is under contract to another wrestling organization (no Vince Russo, sorry).

3. Name the greatest Japanese sports car of all time.


1.) Congratulations (sp?)! You've just been hired to the WWE Creative team! Your first assignment? At No Way Out, you need to figure out how to use 10 Minutes on Ryback vs Brodus Clay. And this isnt a skit, there HAS to be a match. What do you do?

2.) Pick a wrestler. Any wrestler. Now, turn him/her into a pokemon! Come up with an original name, 4 manuevers, and some flavor text describing this newly discovered creature.

3.) Using whatever clues/logic/information you please, tell us who the annonmyous Raw GM was. Anyone is game, i'll consider any answer possible, the key is going to be defending your answer.


Question 1: You are walking into a bar and-
I'm here to show the world, I'm here to show the world!

'Sup, kids. I got bored with hacking Ryder so I figured I'd hack the Dungeon of Doom instead 'cause I am so damn sick of being so damn sick. So here's what I wanna know: how would you turn me, Dolph Ziggler, the show stealer, the show off, face, without getting me shipped off to Ryderland... I mean Superstars. Later, marks.

Question 2: You're going out to the beach with Sergeant Slaughter and-

The following announcement has been paid for by the new World order.

Hey, yo. Time for a survey, and here's all I wanna know: ol' Vinny Mac decides that Raw isn't interesting anymore, and he knows what he wants to see: the n... W... o. Pick 5 people and make a new new World order for 2012. Score one for the good guys.

Question 3: Man Mountain Rock has just taken the stage and...

...and I have just received an e-mail from the anonymous Raw General Manager. And I quote...

"For our final question on this edition of the Dungeon of Doom, I have decided to come at things from a completely different angle. Pretend that all of the current championship belts spontaneously switch brands. Pick out new champions for each belt and defend your choices. Due to the unique cross-brand nature of the Tag Team Championship, it will be excluded from this exercise."


1) For many, Wrestlemania X7 is considered the best Wrestlemania.  What did X7 have that none of the others had?  A GIMMICK BATTLE ROYAL! The Gimmick Battle Royal featured 19 superstars with silly gimmicks such as Duke "The Dumpster" Droese, The Gobbledy-Gooker, and the Goon, although it also included legendary gimmicks like Hillbilly Jim, Iron Sheik, and Sgt Slaughter.  If Wrestlemania 29 has a gimmick battle royal, what three people would you include in it and what spot would you have for them to do?

2) Hornswaggle will be playing an evil leprechaun in Leprachaun: Origins coming out in March 2013.  How should the WWE use the character of Hornswaggle to promote the movie?

3) You may have heard that the WWE is trying to start its own network.  What show would you make for the network?  Who would be involved?  What would it be like?  


1. One of the wealthiest known wrestling fans is Ted Turner. It's been a while, he's got an itch to get back into the wrasslin' business, and he's got money burning a hole in his pocket. For whatever reason, he's chosen you to found a company. You get to hire a staff of 25 wrestlers, none of whom may be under contract to WWE or TNA as of now. You also may not hire more than 5 away from Ring of Honor. What is your fed called, what is it's theme or position in the market, and who have you hired?

2. The wrestling business has a storied history of announcers who, for whatever reason, are considered to be terrible. Yes, Don West, we did see that. No, Tony Schiavone, this is actually a fairly mediocre night, and Mick Foley does put butts in seats. No, Mike Adamle, his last name is "Hardy," not "Harvey." However, sometimes all a bad commentator needs is a great partner, with whom he has chemistry. Michael Cole started to come into his own when paired with JBL, and now that he's with the King, he's the grating, irritating Voice of the WWE. Pick a terrible announcer, then find a partner for them who can help them on the way to respectability, if not greatness. Explain what it is about this partner that plays well with the Awful Announcer's style, and how the pairing will improve the terrible one.

3. Beaver Cleavage. Why?


1) Following up from Dilbert's last set of questions about starting a federation, and his disdain for Batista, how and why do you feel about him, and using him <Batista> in a federation knowing that he has a major Hollywood movie coming out soon? Does that play into it? Feel free to either acknowledge or ignore his just announced upcoming MMA debut.

2) *spoiler* If you haven't watched the end of the MITB match, where Cena wins as the briefcase broke, while beating Big Show - Was that how it was supposed to end? Was Cena booked to win? Was the case supposed to break like that?

3) AJ - arguably one of the strongest and most interesting characters in a while. Is it because she's "Crazy" or is it something else? Do you think they're treating her appropriately? Do you think this is a positive step? Why or why not?


1. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Palumbo?

2. If not Neidhart, then Who?

3. Your phone broke. It still receives calls and texts, but every time it does, it blares out your ringtone at max volume, and you can't mute it. Which ringtone do you take: Vickie Guerrero's EEEEEXXXXCCCUUUUUUU UUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSEEE EEEEE MMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEE EE!!!!!!!!!!!!!, Michael Cole's "May I Have Your Attention Please, I have just received an e-mail from the anonymous General Manager," Yamaguchi-San shouting "I choppy choppy your pee-pee!", or Steven Regal's "Real Man's Man" theme song?


1. As everybody knows, the greatest professional wrestling trio of all-time is Louie Spicolli, a bottle of Somas, and a pillow to the face. For everyone interested, this trio is managed by Jose Cuervo. However, it is up for debate as to what the second-greatest wrestling trio of all-time is. Who or what is in what you believe to be the second-greatest wrestling trio?

2. You've been lucky enough to spend a day each in the household of Lance Storm, CM Punk, and Samoa Joe. They hosted you as a guest and you spent the night over at each of their households. A week after you leave the last place, you've developed a case of Athlete's Foot. In your opinion, whose house was it most likely you got Athlete's Foot at because you showered there?

3. This upcoming WrestleMania, Daniel Bryan will be accompanied to the ring by Rick Wakeman. This obviously goes without explanation (If you need explanation, please kick yourself). His opponent will also have a famous musician accompany them to the ring. Who is Daniel Bryan's opponent, and which musician accompanies them?


Classic Raw Deal / Pre-Match Advice
« on: May 09, 2012, 03:52:47 PM »
I just put together a new deck, and I need to figure out how to get a key card from the deck into my opening hand every game. Problem is, I can't for the life of me figure out a way to guarantee it.

I'm working with a Face/Smackdown/Fan Favorite Colon Brothers deck, and the deck needs to start off with Face Stretch in hand, preferably without popping Carlito's Cabana and eating a DTTAH. My pre-match and other relevant cards:

Colon Brothers
First Unified Champions
Carlito's Apple
Signing Appearance

Handicap Match TB
Premiere Smackdown Superstar
Backed by Vickie Guerrero
Banned From Ringside
Smackdown Tag Title Belts (original, as I don't own the TB belts to do the Unified Champions trick. Offhand, is there any combination of Tag Titles the Colons can pack and play together besides the TB Raw and TB Smackdown Titles?)
Smackdown #1 Announcer Funaki
Carlito's Cabana
Second-Generation Caribbean Cool
Interviewed by Mean Gene Okerlund
Unorthodox Style of Wrestling
High-Flying Style
Playing By The Rules

With that combination of cards, I can see something like 21 or 22 cards by my first draw segment, but for whatever reason, can't seem to muster a Face Stretch to save my life. The deck needs to be Smackdown, really, really wants to be Face, and Fan Favorite is preferable to give me Olé and Foley, but not mandatory.

I'd use William Regal, but my SSV is 5 by the time I get to the Manager phase. I can't go Heel for Taunt the Fans, and I don't want to go with Hard Being This Original if I can possibly help it. BASH is right out.

Is there a card, other than the ones I've mentioned above, that would let me search out and keep a non-unique Smackdown Submission? Worst case scenario, I can try to add in Managed by the WWE Divas and try to root through an additional 10 cards, but even then I'm not guaranteed to have a copy in the top half of my deck.

(My math for the "seeing 21 cards" thing, in case I'm missing something here, too: 0SHS + 1 SHS from Handicap Match, + 5 card draws off the 5 Smackdown-branded cards, + 3 cards seen for Funaki, + 3 cards from the discard/redraw effect on Mean Gene, + 1 for the Signing Appearance, + 1 off the Tag belts, +6 drawn off 2nd-Gen, +1 for your first Draw segment. Of those, you lose 3 from Funaki, 3 from Mean Gene, 1 from the Sig, and 2 from 2nd-Gen, and start with an opening hand of 12.)

If I'm cutting anything from the Pre-Match, it's likely Playing By The Rules and/or High-Flying Style, which I'm not making a ton of use of anyway.

Worst case scenario is I go into the game without it, hide the Apple to try and clear out any DTTAH, and pop the Cabana to search it out, but if they go first and get enough F to throw another ACE reversal, or have 2 DTTAH, I'm pretty well spinning my wheels at that point. I'd really rather have something solid, instead.

Sports Discussion / Tampa Bay Unveils New Uniforms
« on: February 01, 2011, 10:28:11 AM »
The Lightning have announced that they'll have new uniforms for next year and the following.

I have to say, the detail work's pretty good, though carrying around the lantern on the ice will be a hell of a pain.

OK, I'm kidding, but...

Seriously? The uniforms look great, don't get me wrong, but there's absolutely no way I can see them as anything but Blue Lantern Flash in that.

Sports Discussion / NHLPA Ready For Battle...
« on: August 25, 2010, 08:04:40 PM »
They've hired Donald Fehr as the new executive director.

Far as I can tell, this is bad news for Gary Bettman, because Fehr's going to be able to argue him into the ground on a regular basis. Good news for the players, though, and as long as they avoid a lockout, it's probably good for the league as a whole.

Archives / Go time (Dilbert)
« on: May 10, 2010, 08:45:37 PM »
We open on a dressing room door. Unusually, it's open, and we can see inside, where Dilbert is stretching and getting prepped. What for, who knows, since it's not showtime yet, but he's stretching nonetheless. Weirdo.

Dilbert: HEY! I heard that!


Dilbert: That's better. Don't let it happen again. Anyway, where's that idiot interviewer I called for? I don't have all day, you know. Five minutes tops, and I gotta make like a tree and get outta here!

As if on cue, a figure comes sprinting into view with a microphone and minimal stopping power. Good thing that door was open. Sort of.


Funaki: Ow.

Dilbert: Stop messing around and get in here. Don't ask questions, don't interrupt me, and don't steal the cookies from the cookie jar, and we'll get along fine.

Funaki: I...

Dilbert: I said, don't interrupt me. Now, I wanted to take a moment to deal with everyone's favorite rich pains in my ass, the DiBiase twits. Why, oh why, do you never learn? Every time I turn around, you're on my case like Inspector Javert. I barely have time to get here, and you cost me the tag titles. That was bad enough. But had you left it at that, we'd have gotten along just fine in the long run. Time heals all wounds, they say. But NOOOO! You had to jump me in a four on one assault. That made me mad. Then, you jumped me and cost me my match at the PPV. That gave me the reason I needed to go above and beyond the call of duty.

Funaki: What do...

Dilbert: SHUT IT! The grownups are talking here. Now, where was I? Oh, yeah, you guys have no nutsacks, have to gang up on me, yada yada, time to bring out the big guns. My... associate and I decided to take care of business. You sabotaged my project. You cost me gold, and shots at gold, and now it seems only appropriate that I return the favor.

Oh, no, I can't take gold from you. You have enough in the bank, you greedy, arrogant pigs. But I can extract my price from you in medical bills. You better hope that Cadillac health plan covers rectopedal extraction surgery, because I'm about to offer you the a grand prize; a one way ticket to the nearest emergency room.

Dilbert's phone rings. picking it up, and seeing Funaki beginning to speak, he clamps a hand over Funaki's mouth.

Dilbert: I said no. This is a very important call, I'm afraid you'll have to piss off now. Later.

*Into the phone* Hey. Yeah, I can talk. What's up? Ready for Wired?...


Archives / With A Little Help From My Friends (Dilbert, Shockwave)
« on: April 26, 2010, 03:04:31 AM »
Back once again to the bustling office. The camera crew wends their way through officious-looking gentlemen in suits, slovenly engineers puttering through the corridors with their caffeinated elixir of life, and, for some reason, a guy in an allosaurus costume, before finally making their way through to Dilbert's cubicle.

Camera Guy: What's with the guy in the allosaurus costume?

Dilbert rolls his eyes. Evidently, he's heard that one before.

Dilbert: Take my word for it, minion. The less you know about Ted, the better.

Camera Guy: Ah. Gotcha, boss. Ix-nay on the inosaur-day estions-quay.

Dilbert nods. This minion is wise beyond his status. Not going to get a promotion, but still.

Dilbert: Anyway, with the Ted issue out of the way...

He looks around to see if there are any incompetents in the area, who've failed to take his hint. Fortunately for him, there are none.

Dilbert: As I was going to say, I appear to be in a bit of a pickle. I have a golden opportunity before me, with only John Bradshaw Layfield standing between me and the match I've been waiting for all my life; the chance to reign supreme as World Champion!

The Prince of Insufficient Light stares off into the distance, clearly mesmerized by the vision of himself with the belt. His idiot co-workers would finally be required to recognize his greatness, and once and for all, he would be honored as he so richly deserves! Alas, his reverie was to be shattered, by a very unfortunate realization.

Dilbert: Dammit. I have two... two and a half small matters in my way. JBL is enough for any man to deal with, given that any time he enters the picture, he brings a protective ring of sycophants and lawyers with him, to cover his ass. That, by itself, I can deal with. The problems are the DiBiase brothers and their little tagalong. Bradshaw I can beat. Bradshaw and his pansy goons? No problem. But throw in two self-declared so-called champions with pockets full of dough and delusions of grandeur, and the math becomes a bit more complex. Add a potential venereal disease to the mix, and the odds suddenly tip violently in their favor.

Dilbert pulls out a faded Rolodex. Clearly, for all his technological savvy, sometimes the old ways are the best.

Dilbert: When the ledger is balanced against you, only one thing to do: raise the stakes. I'm not a big fan of 4-on-1 odds, but if I could take it back down to mano-y-mano, victory will be mine. It looks like I need to hire an outside consultant, to handle some of these extraneous matters. Only question is, who?

Dilbert flips through his Rolodex. He starts at the very beginning, which is a very good place to start.

Dilbert: No. No. No, no... Hmmm... Blazing Phoenix. BP and I worked together quite well, back in the day. Has it really been that many years? I feel like a completely different person than I was back then. Of course, I was. Fortunately, I've suppressed that little bit of lunacy. Not good for your performance review to come in dressed like a preacher and smacking yourself on the forehead.

Perhaps I should leave BP out of this. I suspect the old, bad habits will come flooding back again. NORGLEBEEP!

Dilbert clamps his hands over his mouth in shock. This could NOT be happening to him now. His eyes roll back into his head as though he were addressing someone else in there.

Dilbert: NO! You are dead and buried, do you hear me? I am in control!

Co-Worker: That's what they all say, you lunatic. Play with your dolls or something.

The sudden interruption brings Dilbert back to his senses, though it makes him no happier.

Dilbert: Those are COLLECTIBLES, damn you, and they're worth more money than the total product of your pitiful little brain to date!

*deep sigh* Anyway, now that that unwelcome little interlude is over, I had best move on. I have business to attend to, and the report is due too soon.

Hastily flipping past BP's phone number, Dilbert settles on another name.

Dilbert: Ah, Mr. Hellmann. A sure sight saner than my other business associate, as was I when I worked with him. Not much of one with the fighting, though he certainly has the money to go toe to toe with either JBL or the fortunate sons in the business world. Sadly, my projections indicate that a simple hostile takeover won't relieve me of the problem at hand. Some other time, I suspect.

Pages pass by in a flash.

Dilbert: Now here's a possibility: Richard Warwick. For all he looks like a slob- for all he was a slob- he had what the French call a certain... I don't know what. Talent in the ring, the bulk to back it up,,, definitely the fighting spirit. He would do nicely.

It was just about then that Dilbert's eyes set on the picture of himself and his old tag team partner. Richard, to be specific, wearing his title belt as a bandanna. Dilbert could only roll his eyes and shake his head.

Dilbert: Ah, yes. Silly me. For a moment, I forgot he was an idiot. I'd best carry on, then.

Dilbert flips through several more names... until his eyes light up. This was perfect. He had his consultant.

Dilbert: Excellent! Now this is a man of substance. Calm, rational, intelligent, but with a bit of the fighting spirit. If any man can take care of the DiBiase brothers for me, it's him, no question. Now, the only matter for me is to focus on my core competency... namely, handing John Bradshaw Layfield his ass on a gold-plated platter.

Dilbert whirls around to his computer, and bangs out a few lines, before turning back around.

Dilbert: This damnable TTP Project Summary Executive Summary will drain the life from me yet. What was wrong with the first summary? Can they not handle a clear, concise 47 pages? But never mind that. JBL, you've had what I want. You've been a world champion, and I haven't. You're rich, and clearly, I'm not. But you're going to suffer at Shockwave, and I won't. I'll enjoy every last minute, as I tear you limb from limb. You rich punks make me sick, flaunting your money while you oppress the people who create your success. I want my slice of what you have, and I'll take it right out of your hide if I have to. At Shockwave, you will feel the fires of Heck rising, lapping at your throat. You will watch as the Prince dims your insufficient light. And you will be crowned, by the King of the Cubicle.

And Ted? Mike? Ashley? My consultant is coming. He has my back, and will plant the knife in yours. Funding's been cut, boys. Your project is about to be terminated.


Archives / The Best That Money Can Buy (Gavin Payne)
« on: April 12, 2010, 03:53:10 PM »
We find ourselves in a well-appointed office. One wall is taken up by floor-to-ceiling bookshelves, laden with well-worn texts. The other wall has a small painting, a couch, and a collection of diplomas. Most interesting, though, is the cherry-wood desk in the center, behind which we find Gavin Payne.

Gavin Payne: It has often been said that money makes the world go around. The go-getters climb the corporate ladder to success, while the lazy reap the thin harvest of their failure. Any Objectivist historian would point to the remarkable capitalist icons of world history as prime examples of this creed: John D. Rockefeller, Henry Ford, Cornelius Vanderbilt, J.P. Morgan... Such men had power unlike any military force in the world. Morgan alone, through sheer force of will, prevented the utter collapse of the world economy at a time when the US government did not have the capacity to do so. Amazing.

Payne folds his hands on the desk, and leans forward slightly.

Gavin Payne: However, for every J.P. Morgan, there is a Michael Milken. For every Henry Ford, a Kenneth Lay, and for every Cornelius Vanderbilt, a Bernard Ebbers. They say that money makes the world go round, but what it's actually doing is swirling around a toilet bowl. Greed, rapacity... these are the watchwords of the so-called "captains of industry." But every time your ilk overstepped their bounds, they were reined in. Take a guess who did that.

Payne reaches under his desk and pulls out a thick tome, with the words Corporate Law emblazoned on the front. He tosses it on the desk with a loud thump, leaving it laying in the camera shot.

Gavin Payne: The law. The one, true driving force of a proper society. Every time you thought to steal, lie, and cheat your way to the top, the law was there to bring you down. Every scheme you crafted, the law punished. Every time you counted on the public turning a blind eye, Blind Justice stared you down.

I have an opportunity, this week on Wired. The law has its limitations; as long as you don't leave enough evidence to prosecute, I cannot reach you through the court. But I can reach you in that ring. No cheap tricks. No doubt. Just rage, against you and your corporate machine. I do not need the protection of the law, when that bell rings. But you will be begging your crack defense team for just that, until I see fit to put you out of your well-deserved misery.

Payne cracks his knuckles.

Gavin Payne: I don't want to sue you, JBL. I want to end you. And I will do just that. JBL, you are guilty as charged. All that remains for you is the Verdict.


Archives / The Perfect Trinity: Me, Myself, and I (Dilbert)
« on: April 11, 2010, 06:47:07 PM »
We return to the 47th floor of a bustling office building, a fairly obvious cue as to who's called for the video crew. Nonetheless, the stalwart cameramen do their best to preserve the mystery, shading our hero as best they can in the fluorescent jungle.

Dilbert: Free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty, I am free at last! Unlike the incompetent plebes in charge at GloboCo, here, management in the CWA has done the impossible: they actually listened to me! For the first time in... I have no idea how long, I get to show off my skills in a regular, every day, one on one singles match! If individual expression weren't frowned upon in my paycheck purgatory, I'd even consider doing a happy dance.

The camera crew grabs their stuff and gets ready to run, to avoid that spectacle.

Dilbert: HEY! If you move a muscle, you'll be leaving without taking the elevator.

The camera settles back down, with only a slight vibration giving away the crew's nervousness.

Dilbert: That's better. Anyway, I'm looking forward to this week's show. Interesting, isn't it? The Prince of Insufficient Light, stuck here in this hellhole, glaring up at the money-hungry fatcats in the penthouse offices, finally gets his singles match, and who's it against? Ted DiBiase, Jr., the Million Dollar Brat, who could buy and sell this company ten times over. How sweet will it be, when I get my hands on a prime example of everything that's wrong with this world?

But, of course, while money can't buy happiness, it can buy protection, and naturally Teddy's got some. Of course, not the best that money can buy, because I'm facing him, but Ted will be accompanied to the ring, and the emergency room, by Ashley Lane and his baby brother, Mikey.

Dilbert turns his attention to his computer, calling up video on the CWA website of the five-team tornado tag match from the inaugural event.

Dilbert: In this footage, we see all the reason in the world why I wanted a singles career. I was paired with a moron, and the DiBiase brothers took advantage of said moron, at my expense. However, a weakness becomes evident here; the DiBiases are soft. Get their way for a little while, or even think they have their way, and they lose focus. That, I can work with.

Now, as to their personal vector for syphilis...

Dilbert switches to footage of the mixed six-person tag match from last show.

Dilbert: Here we have Ashley Lane, or rather what's left of her. Her entire offense seems to consist of getting pummeled and hoping that one of her low-life, high-living associates will brutalize a woman on her behalf before she gets pinned. A minor pest, but one that I will be keeping my eye on.

Snickers emanate from behind the camera.

Dilbert: NOT LIKE THAT! You know what I mean!

Composing himself, Dilbert continues, as footsteps are heard down the hall.

Dilbert: It appears I'll need to cut this short. I'm on deadline for my project. However, let it suffice to say that the fortunate son won't find himself so fortunate this week. I know your tricks. I know your moves. I know your team. I even know what you did last summer, and if I may suggest, next time make sure that you aren't using poison ivy for that. Leaves of three, let it be, dude.

And while we're on the subject of tired clichés, next time, try earning a title. It'd be far less embarrassing for you to lose to me if you weren't a self-proclaimed "champion." Your Prince has spoken. So shall it be done.

Dilbert wheels around to his computer and calls up a spreadsheet just in time for the cameras to catch a lumpy man with a conical fringe of hair meander over, as we...


Archives / War of the Ring (Dilbert and Gavin Payne)
« on: March 29, 2010, 11:16:51 AM »
We come upon a locker room door. It's impossible to see who's behind it, at the moment, but we can very clearly hear an agitated voice from the other side.

? ? ?: I don't believe this. Such utter, utter bullshit! Stick me in a match with some asshole who has no ring sense or wrestling talent, and when that inevitably blows up in my face, what do they do? Same damn thing again! I'm starting to get sick of this place already.

The door swings open, and we catch our first glimpse of an enraged Dilbert, loosening his tie and storming down the hallway. The cameraman wisely backs off.

Jeremy Borash: Dilbert! Dilbert, if I could get a...

Seeing Jeremy, Dilbert does what comes naturally to an angry wrestler: kicks him in the gut and drops him to the floor of the arena with a patented Plummeting Stock.

Dilbert: No, you can't. Get out of my way.

Dilbert continues his rampage down the hall, flipping over tables, throwing electrical equipment that had the misfortune of being in his path, and generally making a nuisance of himself, before stopping in front of another unmarked door.

Dilbert: Payne! Open up!

The door creaks open, after a few tense seconds, revealing Gavin Payne, Dilbert's tag team partner for the evening.

Gavin Payne: Dilbert. What seems to be the problem?

Dilbert: You damn well know what the problem is, Payne! This whole damn place is my problem! I should have burned it down when they went after my stapler. It looks like I'm stuck with you this week, and I need proof that you're less of an idiot than Grain Silo. What's two plus three?

Gavin Payne: Come now. Is this really neces...


Gavin sighs, realizing there's no way of calming down Dilbert short of acing this quiz.

Gavin Payne: Five. Are we do...

Dilbert: What's the capital of Ethiopia?

Gavin Payne: *facepalm* Depending on whether you want the serious answer or the humorous one, Addis Ababa or the letter e.

Dilbert: What's the Konami code?

Gavin Payne: The what? Is that some sort of cryptographical cipher?

Dilbert pinches the bridge of his nose in frustration.

Dilbert: I KNEW IT! They've saddled me with a moron again! Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Start! Remember it!

Gavin blinks a few times in surprise.

Gavin Payne: Umm... right. Sure. Anyway, can we please turn our focus to the match? You and I have business to attend to, and these trivial pursuits aren't going to bring us any closer to securing a victory.

Dilbert: I suppose you're right. Give me a second.

Dilbert steps over to a nearby table and slams his fist down as hard as he can. An audible crack can be heard... but the table doesn't give.

Dilbert: OOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW WWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Perhaps I should have rethought that. On the plus side, I feel better now. 'Cept for my hand. Anyway, Payne, we need to come up with a solid strategy for dealing with the two jokes we're going to be facing this week.

Gavin Payne: I concur wholeheartedly. My first suggestion, of course, is that you stop attempting to break your own bones prior to the match. Not exactly reassuring behavior, that.

Dilbert: What can I say, Gavvy? If I didn't hit something, I'd have had a coronary. Let's cut through the bullshit, shall we? You and I, we're different. Maybe too different. But it does give us an advantage, in that our opponents can't gameplan for one type of match; they have to prep for both styles.

Gavin Payne: Of course, that only matters if I can trust you. You're right about us being different. I've found rage to be a spectacularly inefficient motivator, and if I'm honest with you, I've got reason for concern here. If you see red in there, we lose, and I won't have that.

Dilbert: Au contraire, mon frère. If they give me a reason to snap, it'll end very badly for them. But don't worry. I'm not angry at those morons. Given their combined IQ, it'd be like getting angry at my sofa. As long as you don't get too wrapped up in your holy crusade bullcrap, we're fine.

Gavin's eyes narrow.

Gavin Payne: I'll thank you not to call my life's work "holy crusade bullcrap." Unless, of course, you'd prefer I deal with you now, and them by myself later.

Dilbert: Heh. I suspect if it came to it, it'd be me in that ring going it alone, but I'd far rather give Cilo and Jericho what's coming to them first. No reason to let them off the hook easy. If it comes to it, we'll have plenty of time to test each other out afterwards. All I need to know is that you and I can work together in that ring.

Gavin Payne: My honor allows no less. For tonight, for this moment, you are my partner, and I will fight for you to the last. Can I say the same for you?

Dilbert: I suppose so. For now.

Gavin Payne: Then let us send a warning to Joey Cilo and Chris Jericho. We're coming for you, and bring whatever help you like, it will do you no good. Your time is almost up.

Dilbert: I hope you have a good HR department, because you're about to get saddled with some pre-existing conditions. Tick, tock.

Gavin reaches out his hand, and Dilbert shakes it firmly, as we...


Archives / Justice, Like Lightning! (Gavin Payne)
« on: March 14, 2010, 05:31:43 PM »
The gavel slams down. GUILTY. A bailiff leads off the handcuffed man at the witness stand, while the crowd murmurs, and the defense attorney hangs his head in shame. The man behind the prosecutor's bench turns, adjusting his cravat. Alone among the people at the court that day, he would be permitted a small smile at this turn of events, but there is none. Just doing his job, nothing more.

Gavin Payne: Guilt, and innocence. All men are faced with choices in their lives. The just, the righteous, the good... they choose to live quiet lives, unencumbered by sin. Those men, they never see me. I exist as only a concept to them, the arm of the law that ensures they are protected from the underworld. Would that all men were like that.

But no. The world is full of men who flout the law, the very strictures and codices that make our society the shining beacon of light it is. These criminals, these fools... they come face to face with me, one day or another. Their time is at hand.

I was raised to respect two things above all else: my father, and the law he served. I followed in his footsteps, and it brought me here.

Payne waves his hand around at the now-empty courtroom, gesturing towards the statue of Blind Justice poised behind the bench.

Gavin Payne: Day in, and day out, I am presented opportunities to mete out justice. To make the streets just a little bit safer. To find the truth, and ensure that the scum who sully our planet cannot sow more poisonous hatred. The drug dealer, who ruins lives and families in the name of rapacious capitalism? I put him away. The petty thief, who respects nobody, nothing, not even the sanctity of a man's home and person? He pays, in the end. The murderer, who takes from his victims that most precious gift? He cannot be allowed free. I see to it that he is not.

But I see the truth. The criminals I see convicted in this courtroom only come to me after they've perpetrated deeds foul enough to attract police attention, and then only if they're sloppy enough to get caught. There is no justice in a world where evil men walk free simply because they're good at what they do.

That, I cannot abide.

Payne steps from behind his desk, removes his cravat and jacket, and cracks his knuckles.

Gavin Payne: I know my true calling. Justice must be visited upon all who flaunt their crimes, and if the world will not bring these men to me, I must go to them. I must take action, where others will not.

This brings me to the CWA. I have been watching, waiting, for a chance to step into the ring, and I have been given a golden opportunity. JBL. CM Punk. Chris Jericho. Alpha. Christopher Daniels. AJ Styles. D2. Some noteworthy, honorable men have been given the opportunity to contend for the CWA Heavyweight Championship. Unfortunately, there is no way for me to face one such man without making it to the finals... and that is exactly how I hoped it would be. Chris Jericho. My first opponent, and surely not my last. Arrogance, pride, self-importance... however you put it, you are foul. Loathsome. Unworthy of even my contempt. As of yet, putting out terrible music is no crime, so I have not had the chance to rid this world of you. That ends now. If you will not enter my world, all I can do is enter yours, and take you out of it.

Then, as if the heavens themselves had planned it, I get JBL or CM Punk. Layfield, you are exactly the type of person I came here to deal with. Money may get you fame. It may bring you power. It even grants you immunity, when your crimes are identified and brought into the light. However, it cannot keep you safe. The almighty dollar cannot persuade me. If you are given over to me, then you will know the true pain of avoiding your fate.

Punk... you interest me. On the surface, you are an upright, upstanding man. Were you truly who you purport to be, you and I could be the strongest of allies, and I believe you recognize that. However, your delusions are your downfall. Clean living does not grant a clean soul, and yours is twisted, at its core. No man, no one person, can ever grant salvation. Salvation comes only through a just life, serving the community and the ideals it upholds. I beg you now, end this charade, and return to reality. I do not wish violence to be the only answer, but if it is, then so shall it be. You cannot save others, as you claim, but you have the power to save yourself. Take action.

Payne bows his head slightly, closing his eyes for a moment. When he returns his focus to the camera, we see one thing in his eyes: determination.

Gavin Payne: In the end, I do not know what obstacles I must overcome to capture the CWA title. In all truthfulness, I care not. Should I win the title, I, perhaps alone among the competitors, will treat it with the respect it deserves. However, the title is, to me, a small matter beside my true calling. The championship will serve mainly to show that the CWA will not be overrun by the same scum I see in this court every day. I will provide a shining beacon of truth, and the righteous arm of justice will smite the wicked.

It is time. My legal training has taken me as far as it can. Now I must take action. Prepare yourselves, competitors of the CWA. Sentence has already been passed. I am coming, and I will take no prisoners. Court is now in session.

Payne slams his fist down like a gavel, as we...


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